Monday, December 21, 2009

Blogger Celebrates the Return of Stephanie

Temporary though it may be...

Right now, my children are gone. They are spending this half of Christmas break with their father. Oh, how I miss them! I get them back on Christmas Eve and I can't wait!

In other news, I just want to say:
Being invited to dinner by the man of your dreams, and then eating dinner with him, is amazing! His name is Daniel and he is, as far as I can tell, quite nearly perfect! We have many things in common. We both love music. He is the ward's choir director and I am the ward's choir accompanist. He sings phenomenally. He's everything: artist, writer, dancer, singer, mechanic, all around handyman, cook, straight-A student, very ambitious, very intelligent, funny, very much LDS, returned missionary even!, very attractive. . . .

He's really too good to be true. I'm not good enough for him. I wish I was. I could be. Anyway. He's recently divorced. His ex wife cheated on him, so we have that in common, too! It's like, extra security, you know? I mean, it seems unlikely that one who's been severely burned by adultery would commit it him/herself. I would never want anyone to experience what I did, you know? Also, he's my next door neighbor.

I've known him for maybe a year. Well, I've known WHO he IS for maybe a year. I've always been impressed with him. I love how he dresses. ;) I loved how tender and sweet he was with his wife. His wife was so very beautiful. And, he's attractive. As far as looks, I'm way out of his league!

So yesterday, after choir, he asked me if I had dinner plans. I told him no. He invited me to his house. I jumped inside but politely accepted. :) So I went over for dinner. I'd brought some icecream for dessert, but we never got to it. After about an hour and a half, he had an appointment and so we went our separate ways. He called me maybe two minutes later and told me I'd left my icecream. I agreed. ha. Then he suggested I go back to his place after his appointment to have icecream with him!!! !!!!!! Um, YES!!?!!

So I returned an hour-ish later and we enjoyed icecream and company and he was showing off his art and stuff and I decided I wanted to show off as well, so I invited him to my place so I could play my piano song for him that I wrote. He came, I played, he teared up and enthusiastically proclaimed, "Fantastic piece!"

We talked until 11:00.

I'm officially, undeniably, annoyingly, incredibly twitterpated.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

My Favorite Me Poem

I love to write poetry. I think my favorite one that I've written is this:

Consider the Lilies

My essence was boxed
And buried beneath molded love,
Mildewed affection
And a desert of coal that he told me was diamonds.
Jealous, I was, of the caged bird*
For whom oxygen
Is abundant.

Then I walked by the lilies -- $3.98 a pot --
And smiled for the first time.
Oh, sweet lilies! Oh, gift from God!
Your redolence whispers preludes to freedom.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Official Grades Are In!

And I thought I would be so ashamed of them that I wouldn't make this post. But here I am.

History: B
Public Speaking: B
Lit Interpretation (ENG 251): B (at midterms, I had a D+ here, hehe...)


Communications Writing (journalism, comm 111): .......this is so exciting...... A-!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe I managed to get any sort of A this semester! This was my hardest class. I learned the most from it. I loved it and I hated it but now I just love it because I got an A-! (I know and acknowledge that this is just barely over a B, but it's in the A category, okay?)

This is the class I did that big homeschooling paper for. It was a representative profile about a girl I met this semester who was homeschooled. I was very stressed about this paper and I wanted it to be perfect and I've been long waiting for the grade and I just found out that I got a 95 on it. How good it feels! Not quite perfect, but it'll do!

Yay yay yay yay!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Grades so far

Life's not so bad. If I get B's instead of A's, I'm still a blasted genius.

So far, my unofficial grades are:
Public Speaking: B
English 251: B
American History: B
Comm 111: still unknown, but likely a B.

All will be certain on Thursday.

"I'm a B student" isn't nearly as cool sounding as "I'm an A student." But, how about, "I'm a single mom of two preschoolers and I work and I live hundreds of miles away from my family and I'm in the middle of a custody battle and I'm a B student."

Heck yes.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


The thing is, I want to be smarter than everyone else. B's aren't smarter than everyone else.

Well this morning I skipped my Public Speaking final! It was awful. I lost my car key. I turned my house upsidedown searching for that key, for an hour. Nothing. So. I didn't take my final. I'll still pass the class. But the grade won't be pretty. :(

My cousin gave us rides. Took the kids to daycare and myself to campus. In about five minutes, I'll be off to take another test. I'll rejoice if I even get a B.

I want to be married. I want a traditional home where Daddy works and Mommy stays home. I want plenty of money to survive on and to share. I want to be the cute little wifey who cleans and cooks and even dusts. I want to bake bread, can, and have a garden and fruit trees. I want a husband who mows the lawn and changes lightbulbs and fixes the dryer and changes the oil and locks the door at night. I want a husband who is the head of the household, the leader, THE MAN, for whom I'll have dinner waiting. And he'll thank me for dinner. I don't want to work. I hate working. I hate leaving my kids with someone else. It feels so wrong and backward. And yet, it is my destiny.

I don't necessarily regret my current state. If I was married, I wouldn't be a fulltime student. I love being a student. I want to be "educated" and I'm grateful for this opportunity. I'm experiencing what it's like to be wholly responsible for a family. So, when (IF) I do remarry, I will appreciate my husband's role as provider that much more. I know what it's like to come home after a long day. I know the joy of kids running to see you when you walk in the door, and how wonderful it would be to be likewise greeted by a spouse. I know how great it would be to have dinner ready for me then, and a foot or back rub to ease the stress of the day. I want a man to give that to. Maybe he's somewhere learning what it's like to be a mother, and he'll appreciate me all the more for it, andhe'll give me a back or foot rub after dinner to ease the stress of a long day.


History test, here I come.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Finals week begins

I'm here at the campus library wondering how can I waste time? The library internet restricts facebook until 5 pm so that's out. So I blog. Believe me, you can always find a distraction, a way to not do what you should be doing.

Well I have a final today, one tomorrow, and two on Wednesday. I must study. I shall study. I will get A's on all my finals. I will succeed.

The end.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Random Nothing

Here's some things I really like:

My kids of course
My family
Being home in Nampa with my family
Spending hours doing nothing with my best friend Kimmie
Spending hours doing something with my best friend Kimmie
Purple Pens
Babies, particularly insanely cute brand new nephews called Ammon
The name Brielle
Deseret Industries
Deep reflection
To Kill a Mockingbird
Responsible, honest, grown-up men
High heels
Diet Pepsi
Mary Kay makeup
Making out (insofar as I can recall)
Flip Flops

Naturally, this is not all-inclusive. I just wanted to take a moment to focus on me.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Progress Report

It's remarkable to me that I find time to blog when I have no time to blog. All semester, I've resisted the temptation to blog my life away. And now, when it's exceptionally crucial that I focus on my schoolwork, here I am.

Finals are next week. I just can't flippin wait. I am registered to take a class during the seven weeks between semesters, and then I'm registered for 2 classes the following semester, even though I'll be off track. I want to finish school as soon as I can. But I want a break SO bad! So I may be dropping the 7 week course.

The most amazing thing is that after next week, I'll have completed another year of school! I think this semester I won't get a single A, which is truly tragic. Seriously, it makes me want to cry. But, I'll have another year under my belt and that is SO EXCITING! Is it possible that I'm reaching my goal? Is it fathomable that I may actually graduate with a bachelor's degree??

This semester has been especially challenging. Last semester I was conveniently laid off at the beginning of the semester. So, while I was searching for employment, I was collecting unemployment and spending more time on homework than work. This semester, I've had a job. I'm grateful for it and I'm glad I'm not getting unemployment anymore, but I really don't get how people work, parent, and get good grades at the same time. It's very hard.

Not only that, but this semester I've had to hire a lawyer. That's been stressful. Randy wants more custody of the kids and I'm not cool with that. Also, I'm not okay with only sometimes getting some child support but still providing EVERYTHING for the kids, including transportation to and from Nampa for HIS visitation. That gets expensive. So I've hired a lawyer to make some changes to our original agreement and it's a long and expensive process, and certainly not conducive to focused study. Also my sister keeps getting bad news, which pulls my attention from my studies. God bless her. Also my bestie keeps getting bad news and she's stressed and so I'm stressed for her. Also Anna is supposed to go to Kindergarten next month, and I've already written about that decision process. There's just been a lot of STUFF happenin this semester and my focus has been all over the place.

Also, my kids want to eat every day so I've been forced to feed them. You know? EVERY DAY!

Kidding, of course. I've always fed them several times daily, naturally.

I've been asked to babysit a lot more than usual and I can't say no because I know what it's like to need a babysitter.

So yeah. Busy semester and I'm going to see the sad results on my grade report. My predictions:
History: B
Public Speaking: B (maybe C but I REALLY hope not)
Communications Writing: B-
Literature: C

SAD. And a little embarrassing. Someone reassure me. :D

Okay I have to go write a paper.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

but this IS homework!

If I really stretch it, blogging is a part of my homework. I'm supposed to be a good writer for my major/career choice. Even in writing, practice helps. See? Totally homework.

Actually. This is a distraction. I have SO much dang homework that I can't possibly finish it. Ever. So I'm blogging instead; I can finish a post. And while I'm writing here, I have an "excuse" to avoid homework. When I'm finished, I'll have to find another distraction. Maybe I'll clean. Soon, I'll have no more excuses and I'll be forced to write my 1500 word research paper.

It's due Friday. The rough draft was due last Friday, but I got nothin. It's not the 1500 words that scare me. Shoot, I can write 1500 words in an hour. So . . . I really don't know what it is that is barring me from starting this darn paper.

Here's what it is. It's a representative profile. It's for my communications writing class. You know those feature stories you read in the Wall Street Journal or other sources? They're about a person and about an issue that the person represents. We had to pick a person that we didn't know well, find out what they represent, and write about it. We had to do interviews, tons of research, and several meetings with the person throughout the semester.

I chose this girl I work with, Elizabeth. Actually, she wasn't my first choice. The first four people I wanted to do either couldn't, wouldn't or said they would but then disappeared. So I chose Elizabeth. The issue is homeschool -- specifically adults in the world who had been homeschooled. She was homeschooled most of her school years, starting in California. I swear that wasn't planned. I've learned so dang much about homeschooling and that's why I've come to the decision I've come to about Anna. It's so weird that I spent most of my life homeschooling but didn't really know a thing about it. The more I know, the more I feel the need to implement it in my home. I totally dig Dr. Raymond Moore and Dr. Brian Ray and John Holt. Now I think it's weird that I had no idea who these people were before I started this assignment. If not for any of them, it's likely I'd have never been homeschooled. ANYWAY. It's been a very enjoyable project, but now it's at the end, and all that's left is to write the darn thing. This should be the easy part! What is happening? Writer's block like this is not traditionally my companion.

Oh, you know what else? Since this is a journalism class, we have to get all the sides. So I've looked up research about why public school is better than homeschool. Know what I've found? NOTHING. I've looked up opposing views. I can't find anything worth including in a respectable paper. There are plenty of claims that homeschool is harmful but I can't find a single study to back that up, not one. If any of you know any, hit me; I really need it for my paper. Also, I've interviewed public school teachers, thinking for sure they'd be able to tell me why public school is best for a kid. But, nope. They were all (provisionally, admittedly) supportive of homeschooling! Seriously!

The only thing against homeschooling is unproven stereotypes, insofar as I can tell.

Do you see how I'm stalling?

In other news, I went on a date the other week. First time in a year. I decided I hate dating and I'd almost rather die alone than go through the hassle.

Fourth of July was flippin' awesome. Maybe I'll post pictures. Kids and I had the best day ever ever.

OH check it out. I have a guitar. I don't know how to play the guitar. I've had it for a while but have never even tried to use it. Until yesterday. I looked up Blackbird on youtube and learned the introduction! My kids LOVE that song and they were so excited when I played it for them and I was so excited when they recognized what I was playing! Now if I could just get someone to show me some technique.

So the other day Matthias said when he grows up he wants to be "a policeman who kills bad guys with his gun. A real gun."

I swear, he makes this stuff up and it just happens to coincide with reality.

I can't stall any longer.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Is Anyone There?

Well hello. It's been a crazy semester. I have had no time to catch up on my blog (not that anyone enjoys reading all about me as much as I do). And, really, I have no time now. I have some intense assignments due soon that should have been done already. Oy. The stress. S-T-E-P-H-A-N-I-E spells "stress."

So, Anna is supposed to start Kindergarten this fall. I have been on a seesaw of decision about that. I want to homeschool my children. I WILL homeschool my children. The debate is whether or not I start now. I'm a single mom and a student myself; is homeschooling really the wise choice? I have committed to homeschooling. I have committed to sending her to Kennedy Elementary. I can't stay with one decision long because the other one always seems wiser. But, at this point, I'm leaning to homeschool again. I know this decision will be met with plenty of opposition, but, this is America, Anna is my daughter, and I get to make the choice.

Anyway. My point is. I'm totally going to start a new blog. If I stick with the choice to homeschool, I'm makin a new blog about homeschooling adventures. I think it'll be fun. Of course, I won't be the only one but it'll be fun anyway.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Anna Danielle

My sweet five year old lost her two front teeth over the weekend. That makes a total of six teeth lost. I wish I could stop or at least slow her growth! She's getting older right before my eyes!

She's my genius. A few weeks ago, I created a simple math worksheet for her. I took a picture of it and maybe one day I'll get around to posting it. Anyway, it was, you know, those column problems, 5 on top of 2 w/ a plus sign and a line -- you follow, right? I made 12 problems, all equaling less than ten. I instructed her briefly on what to do with the problems and told her to solve them, and I left the room. She finished in just a few minutes and got 11 right. Yay, Anna! I was so impressed!

So today I was looking up math worksheets just to see what grade level certian problems are and found out the worksheet I made her was 1st grade level.

She's going to be so bored in Kindergarten.

I printed another first grade sheet today off the Net and she finished it, no problem. There was even a problem with a sum greater than ten, and she got it!

So now she's working on spelling words of the first grade level (according to one website) and she read each word, no problem, just went down the list as if all she ever does is read. She is printing them now. She's not so great at printing. So we're working on that. She's not very familiar with printing lower case letters. She recognizes them all and can read them fine but struggles a little w/ printing, only because she hasn't done it very often.

I may as well keep her home and work with her every night, you know? Seriously, I'm really thinking about it. I mean, in Kindergarten, they'll learn about shapes and colors and counting and COME ON! She's known that stuff since she was three. And she'll get the idea that school is supposed to be easy. I don't know if I want her to think school is easy. I want her to actually exercise her brain.

I don't know. I don't know what I'll do. Any suggestions?

I love that little girl! She's so smart and sweet and funny. OH. I have to tell you her story. She was pretending to be "Ashley" and Ashley knew Anna; they were friends. I was Anna's mom (just like I really am) and Ashley was telling me all about Anna and how much fun they have at "school" and she has other friends, too, called Jane and Arania. Well I, apparently, worked with Jane's mom. Anna--I mean, Ashely-- said Jane's mom is mean. I told her I don't work with any mean people, so Jane's mom must not be mean. Ashley insisted Jane's mom is mean. I gave. "How is she mean?" I asked. "She eats Jane's toys!" Anna/Ashley said. I laughed so hard at the image of a mother eating her daughters toys. I conceded, "yes, that's pretty mean." Anna then said, "Jane's mommy is mean so Jane got a new mommy." Me: "What? She can't get a new mommy! People don't just get new mommies." Anna/Ashley: "Well Jane's mom died." Me: "Oh my goodness! That's so sad, how did she die?" Anna/Ashley, matter-of-factly: "From the toys!"


Later she told me there's a cheetah in my trunk and it's a mommy cheetah and she had ten babies. In my trunk! I'm so scared to open it. OH, and then the same day she told me this really great story: "Once there was a little rabbit, she was a girl. Her little brother was a carrot. So she almost ate her brother."

Wow. She's a keeper, that one. :)

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Pirate at Albertsons

We went to Albertsons yesterday, the kids and I. Shortly after we entered the store, a very old, stooped, bearded man wearing an eye patch entered. Matthias was sitting in the cart kid seat and asked me, "Mommy, is that a pirate?" I looked at the gentleman behind me and he didn't seem to have heard, so I said in a low tone, "I don't think so, son." I think I shouldn't have left so much room for doubt. We walked ahead a little bit, looking at the 10 for $10 sale items. The very old fellow remained just behind. Matthias kept staring at him, grinning his all-teeth-bearing grin. SO CUTE. The man was coming closer (because I was stopped, now, at the sale items) and Matthias was still staring at him. The man said hello. Matthias said, "Are you a pirate?" still grinning that flippin' adorable grin. He was SO excited to meet a pirate!
Luckily, the very old man was very good natured and he said, "Yes. I'm a pirate. But I'm a good pirate. Are you a good boy?"
Matthias could not have been more thrilled. His very wide smile widened and he nodded.

Saturday, May 2, 2009


I wrote a song for a final project last semester. It's called Redeem. Here I am playing it. Don't mind the belly pouch. :)

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Amen to Donne

I had a little too much caffeine today (one day I'll quit, I swear) and I'm having trouble sleeping. I hate staying up late. It's a sin, totally. :) Well, for me anyway. I was feeling a little creative and decided to write a poem. I'm pretty impressed with it, actually; its form is perhaps original. I haven't seen this construction before. It's probably been done before, but I haven't seen it. So there. :) I'll just tell you. It's 8 syllables in one line, and the next line has 2 syllables. The second syllable in every 2 lines rhymes with the 6th syllable of the previous line. How about that, right?
Its title: Amen to Donne. I'll explain after you read this fun little ditty (and don't freak out. I'm a poet and therefore get to exaggerate and fictionalize. One should never assum the speaker of the poem and its author are one in the same.) With no further adieu:

Amen to Donne
It is woven within my being,
This sin.
A parasite, it seems, of sun
And dreams.
It is to me as plant to soil.
I can’t
Expunge my soul, O God, forgive
My fraud
Forgive my fraud! And yet, hold off
Is well but cannot stay my hand, a week,
A day)
Until the hour Thou wilt banish
My guilt
By taking this my fav’rite sin—
My grave—
And accomplices; thought, desire
I’ve fought
With tireless hope which avails me not.
Still, this sin, O God! For what?So, God,
My Father, take away this plague!
I say,
Unweave my fibers, change my heart!
My days. O’erthrow and bend, for Thou
Dost mend
As yet, but batter my heart
! For I
Will fly
Only as Thou restraineth my wings.

What do you think? Don't think about it as something written by Stephanie, but what do you think of it as a literary work? I've called it "Amen to Donne" because I've quote one of my favorite poems ever ever, which is by John Donne, who was a preacher I think, and never did anything really bad, and yet he wrote this amazing sonnet:
Batter my heart, three-personed God, for You
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend.
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurped town to another due,
Labor to admit You, but Oh! to no end.
Reason, Your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love You and would be loved fain,
But am betrothed to Your enemy;
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again;
Take me to You, imprison me, for I,
Except You enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except You ravish me.

That is a thing of beauty, right there. WELL. Tell me how you think of my poem!

Sunday, April 19, 2009


Well tomorrow school starts again and I didn't get half the stuff done that I wanted to this week. UGH. I did get family pictures (my kids actually smiled!), get my kids caught up on immunizations, cleaned my house a wee bit, and took my kids to the park. But mostly I worked. I really like my job. Well, lemme rephrase. I like to go to work. My actual job is dumb. I stand at a table and sort clothes all day long, I'm a sorter. Can't wait till I get a new job that pays decent. But this is better than nothing! It makes my body very sore, though. (Oh, btw, I totally work at Deseret Industries.) The people with whom I work are really really cool, and that sometimes makes all the difference.

My schedule starting tomorrow is going to be ridiculous. School, work, dinner, bed. But, good news, my brother Cameron is going to be moving in next month and that will help out soooo much! I'll still have my kids go to daycare because I don't think my kids or Cameron would well handle 9 hours a day together. So morning daycare, and afternoon Cameron! I'll save so much money.

I'm really excited about my classes tomorrow. The classes I'm taking are: Comm 111 (communications writing), Comm 102 (Public Speaking!), FDAMF (American History - a required general), ENG 110 -- lemme explain. As a Comm major, I am required to declare a minor. So I declared English, of course. Now, I started out as an English major and so have many classes completed in that field. However, BYU-I added ENG 110 and recently decided to make it a requirement for English minors as well as English majors. This class didn't exist at Snow College or BSU back in the day when I went, so I never took it. So, yay, I totally get to take an English 100 class. LAME! Oh well, it seems like it'll be fun. AND last but not least, I'm taking ENG 251, which also wasn't required back at Snow. Oh well. I'm not really sure what that class is about. Something about literature. And, that one's an online course! Yipee!

SO. Yep. School starts again tomorrow and I'm excited!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Actual Grades!!!!


Winter Semester 2009

Department Course Section Course Title Mid-Term Final Grade Credit Points
A 1.04.0
A 2.08.0
A- 3.011.1
A- 2.07.4
A 2.08.0
C+ 2.04.8

YES! The two B's I thought I had were actually A-'s!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Susan Boyle, ladies and gentlemen

A friend of mine posted this on her Facebook. I know some of you have seen this already but I am so in love with these seven minutes that I had to post it here. Embedding is disabled so you'll have to click on the link.

I don't know her. She's not in my neighborhood, my state, or even my country. But, I tell you what, I am so proud of this woman! Go Susan Boyle! That first look of shock on Simon's face is classic.

Monday, April 13, 2009


I am so lazy.

Today I registered Anna for Kindergarten! Holy Beans. I wish she didn't have to go to school. I really wanted to homeschool her. Maybe next year. I don't know what she needs Kindergarten for, anyway. She can read, write, spell, add, count to 100, recognize more shapes than I know, recite the planets in order and sing the ABCs backwards. She'll be so bored. Oh well. She is excited.

Today I started my job. It was fun. The people with whom I'll be working seem really cool.

Today I did nothing on my list. However, I did set up appointments for family pictures and well child check ups for the kids.

Anna asked me today how much I weigh. I told her, "180 pounds." She said, "What have you been eating?!" I said, "I know I'm fat, but I'm still awesome." She said, "I know you are" and gave me a hug, and then said, "but sometimes you're mean."

The other day I told her to get some clothes on. She hates wearing clothes. I told her five times and I was getting irritated because she wasn't listening. So the sixth time, I raised my voice. She told me if I keep being mean to her, she's going to go somewhere else.


"Where you gonna go?" I asked, sincerely. She said she'll go to a new mommy who's nice. Funny, her dad told me the same thing (only he didn't say "mommy".) I told her to come to me, she did. I looked her in the eye and said, "do you really want a different mommy?" and she gave a lip-quivering no. And I gave her a hug and told her that in this house, we wear clothes, and I love her more than any other mommy would love her, and to get her clothes on. So she did.

Funny children.

I miss my best friend Kimmie. I have a best friend!!! It's been over a decade since I've had a true best friend. I love it. I love her.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Oh the Craziness

I have a bazillion things to do and a bazillion things to write about. Finals week was INSANE. My kids are so so glad it's over. And so am I.
In my Humanities class (which was my favorite class), the final was a take home final. It was four essays. It took forever. These weren't just any essays. In each category, we had at least three essays to choose from. The ones I chose were to use four works of art (visual, music, drama, literature) that we've studied in class to back up Picasso's statement "art is the lie that makes us realize the truth." or something like that. That was fun. Another essay question I chose was something about diffusing propaganda, how do we deconstruct it and how I would tell others how to deconstruct, and choose one piece of propaganda to illustrate my point. That one was really fun. Another one was take three subjects (paintings, statues, characters) and put them together for spring break and where would they go and what would they say. That one was really fun. For those who know/care (I believe I will care in the future), I used Connie from Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been, (short story by Joyce Carol Oates), the woman from Delacroix's Liberty Leading the People and Julia from Herrick's "Upon Julia's Clothes." I thought it was funny. They went to NYC. I'm jealous. The other essay I did was put a soundtrack to one of the works of literature we've studied. I put a soundtrack to Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns. That was so fun! And the essay was explaining how each piece of music goes with a specific part of the book. That one took a lot of time though.
I don't know what my final grade is in that class yet but I think it will be a B.
Science, we all know, is C+. I'm happy with that.
Middle East (my world foundations course) is an A-. I'm schocked by this because I got a D on my last test! I'll take it though! I did my first power point presentation ever in this class. It was on the death penalty in Iran. I got 100 out of 100 on that. Yay!
Religion I got an A- I think.
Communications 100 I got an A
Comm 201 (professional communications), I got an A.
Four A's, a B and a C! I'm happy enough with that! Next semester will be better (I don't have any pointless science classes, hehe)

Anyway. This week I want to:
  • clean my house
  • do my laundry
  • go grocery shopping
  • go to Lagoon
  • take my kids to the park
  • read 2 books
  • post pics on my blog from the last 6 or so insane weeks
  • Take my kids to the dr for check ups
  • get family pictures pictures
  • Buy books for next semester
  • write thank you cards for last semester's professors
So much for a relaxing week! I also start my job tomorrow. Oy.
Today I have to give a talk in church. Oy.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Science Final

WELL. Today I took my science final and already got the grade. I was worried, really worried, because science and I are not close. Not remotely. We have several disagreements about what really matters. So, I'd been keeping a C through the class, which is fine by me; it's science afterall. I did get a D on one test (about cells, ugh) so I figured with Cs and Ds on my exams and anywhere between As and Fs on my daily quizzes, I needed at least a C on the COMPREHENSIVE FINAL to pass the class. I think I could have gotten a D on the final and passed, too, but I don't really know, and who wants a D on a final? Anyway. I was scared, this is science, what we've covered all through the semester, and, did I already mention it was SCIENCE? I studied but my studies made as little sense as ever (I just can't make myself care about equations involving atoms and radiation, etc.). Okay well anyway I got a C on my final. Hooray! I passed the class! My final grade for the entire class is C+, almost almost almost a B-, how cool would that have been? Two per cent away from a B-! Oh well. I passed my science class!

Sunday, April 5, 2009


Okay so I know this background is yucky but it looks awesome on my computer! But I saw it on my mom's computer and on the library's computer and the colors are way off from what I see at home! Changing it, as well as updating my life, are a few of the MANY things I have planned for the two weeks between semesters. Just wanted you all to know that I know the background is gross looking. :) Don't forget about me! And wish me luck for finals week (which begins tomorrow)!

Friday, April 3, 2009

speedy update

I'm so like totally busy. Finals are next week! One week of this semester left! I've registered for next semester and I'm excited. I've declared a minor: English. I bought a PS2 just for the purpose of guitar hero! I got me a PS2 slim + Guitar Hero III + a wireless guitar all for $66. eBay, baby. Free shipping, even. Might be going to Lagoon in a few weeks. Kids really wanna. I really wanna. Kimmie and Kadin really wanna. It's snowing. All the time. Rexburg loves December so much that it won't let it go. Anna lost another tooth. I'm holding Anna's baby Emma right now. Anna says, "she's still zero, so be very careful with her." Today Matthias said "I have a magic puppy that turns into a rope that turns into a transformer hand." WOW! That is some puppy. Took the kids bowling the other week, that was a blast. And we saw Bedtime Stories which was really cute. School is stressful and fun and life is stressful and fun and the end.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

All you need is Jack

I used to really enjoy the idea of superman. I loved Dean Cain in Lois and Clark: the Adventures of Superman. But that was before I met Jack Bauer. Jack is so much cooler than superman. Jack is human. Jack has flaws. Once, in fact, Jack was addicted to heroin. But he got through that with my help. Jack is the ultimate man. You can't be manlier than Jack Bauer, you just can't! Here's some pictures of him saving the world.

Oh, Jack. I do love you.

Someone once told me that Jack Bauer isn't real. Riiiiiight. I believe, okay, I believe. Superman isn't real, okay? But who needs Superman when you have Jack, anyway?

Don't mess with Jack, alright? He'll pulverize you. And then the President will congratulate him.

24 is my alter universe.


Anna said when I was putting on my concealer/foundation: "Why do you need to cover your zits? You look fine with them. To me" and "I 'm not gonna marry Tyson because he doesn't say 'excuse me' when he burps."

Matthias said: "I will be the guitar guy at your wedding" and "when I grow up, I will be a hiccup doctor."

Matt's therapist at his "daycare" (partial care facility) said Matthias is his favorite of all the kids. Well of course he is! Did I already mention this in an earlier post?

I've been extraordinarily busy with school. And I still am.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I've Gone Private

I did it. So far only six people can read my blog. If you guys know of email addresses I should add, lemme know! Thanks!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Matt's Birthday

Was yesterday. I just can't believe my baby boy is four years old! Presents were first thing in the morning. I video taped it; I'll likely post the vid soon-ish. He got a neat outfit from my mom, a bubble gun from Kimmie, and from me: bubbles, Percy the train (to be friends with Thomas so now he has 2 engines), the movie Robots, and I think that's it. Yeah.

He got a cute birthday hat at daycare. We went to Jennifer's for icecream. Matthias said he had cake at Daddy's (we'd spent the weekend in Nampa) so I thought that was license to forego a cake. Jennifer gave him a carwash as a gift! He loves going through the carwash. What a great gift; it serves both child and mother!

For dinner I took him and Anna and our friend Ben to JB's. The kids call Ben "the elmo guy" because he does a great Elmo impression! He babysits sometimes so I treated him as a thank you.

Anyway. My baby is four. My goal was to have all my kids (I wanted four) by the time I was 30, so that, in theory, they'd all be out of the house by the time I was 50. I'm 28. Chances are slim that I'll have two more kids in two years, as I haven't so much as a marriage prospect! Don't you hate when things don't go as planned?

Anyway. Bye now.

Friday, February 27, 2009

midterms again

Well apparently I'm the only one who can see that link about my midterm grades. So I'll just tell you. I got a C in science. Listen, I'm passing, alright? YOU try doing six classes and being single parent and THEN judge, okay? ;) hehe. A B+ in my religion class. A B+ in my humanities class. An A- in my Middle East class (that was a pleasant surprise!), and an A in both my communications classes.


Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Midterm grades!

Click here to view my midterm grades.

Not bad! I'll take it! Even that big fat ugly C!

Happy Birthday to Me!

So yesterday was my birthday. Now I'm 28 years old. Twenty-eight and dreadfully single! At least I have kids.
It was a rockin day. Woke up for class and Anna woke and said, "Is it your birthday?" I told her yes so she said, "Happy birthday!" and then she wrapped up one of her barbie dolls in a piece of cloth and gave it to me. What a little sweetie!
My dad texted me a little while later (that's right, my dad is hip) and I reminded him that my birthday marks his anniversary of becoming a father. Wow, he's been a parent for 28 years! Beans.
I went to my communications class and announced that it was my birthday. How else would they know, you know? I did NOT, however, expect them to sing to me, which they did. And one girl that I barely know made me a little card out of notebook paper! It was the sweetest thing!
Then I went to my religion class, which is probably my most difficult class -- emotionally. The class is Family Foundations and so the content is all about the importance of eternal marriage and eternal families and every class time my loneliness is magnified because I WANT A HUSBAND! And that class only makes such desires stronger. Can't wait till it's over.
Then I went to the daycares to pick up the kids. Anna's daycare first. I walked into her class, and the whole class said, "Happy birthday!" I felt special. Anna told on me. Her teacher told me she had told the class to say "happy birthday" when I walked in. She's five! She's gonna be a little party planner. Anna was eating lunch in a different classroom so I went to get her. She asked me if everybody said happy birthday to me. She's just so darn sweet! Takin care of me like that....
Then I went to get Mattie and no one said happy birthday when I got there. :) Boys! Haha, kidding.
We went to Jennifer's at her request and she got me a super cute shirt and made me a pie!
Lots of family called.
I thought it was over but then at 8:00 my visiting teacher and my neighbor came over with a balloon, a cake and a present! And a song. That was so cool! It was my only wrapped gift of the day and I LOVE unwrapping presents! It was a book. I was touched. It was very kind of them. They came in a visited for a while.
Then I stayed up till TWO (!!!) and did homework.

Dude. I'm going to be late to class.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Anna's adult wisdom

I've been feelin really bad about gettin a divorce lately. I mean, for my kids. I don't wish I was still married to Randy. I do wish I'd chosen better, and that my kids lived in a two parent home. So I feel bad. It's been weighin on my mind.
Today I told Anna, "I'm sorry I got a divorce."
She said "We could live in Nampa" and I was about to remind her that even if we lived in Nampa, we still wouldn't live with her dad, but she spoke before I got to it.
She said, "why did Daddy want to marry someone else?"
I said, "I don't know, sweetie."
She said softly, knowingly, "Maybe Dawn is the bestest for my daddy."
I thought a moment before saying, "maybe she is."
My little thinker.
Then she said, perhaps worried that she may have hurt my feelings, "But you're the best mommy." I just love that girl!

Well. I do think Randy and Dawn deserve eachother. :)

Friday, February 20, 2009


Holy cow, what a week. It's midterm. This week I had a science test, a humanities test, a big ol' humanities paper due, a mandatory book group, a meeting with a tutor, a communications writing assignment, and the rest of my normal assignments. I haven't cleaned my house all week. And I'm not even done with school. Tomorrow I have a mandatory career workshop that's three hours long, and then I have to attend a choir performance for my humanities class. I've never been so stressed mentally since my days at Snow. AGH!

So here's how it went. Not well. Tuesday was my humanities test. Um, yeah, that's my stuff. I fully expected an A. Nope. B. A low B even. I was pretty upset about that. I know this stuff! I know about literature and poetry and art! Actually, not so much art, and I think that's where I went wrong. Oh well. There was an essay and poetry analysis that hasn't been graded yet, so hopefully that will boost my grade. I think it will, actually. At least to a high B.

Science has been really tough. Radioactivity and atomic weight and JJ Thompson do nothing for me. I don't care. I don't care about uranium 238. I try. But I don't care. And it confuses me. I don't get it. And then element equations? Come on! It's just beyond me, and I really do try to understand it, but nothing clicks. So my science test was yesterday. I met with a tutor for an hour. I thought I had a handle on things a little better after that. I went to the testing center straight after tutoring, and managed to get 64%. When I saw that score, I experienced a strange mixture of relief and despair. I was seriously so, so glad I passed! But, my desire for A's caused a great disappointment.

I spent 2.5 hours yesterday on my book report. This is not just any book report. Had to be all formal and pretty and perfect and had several parts (Summary, character analysis, style, research, bibliography, etc.) and I had to use quotes from the book and it had to be all MLA and anyway, I was almost done when it was time for my book group meeting (about the very book I was reporting) so I saved it. I was using a computer at the campus library. It was due today by 5. Anyway, I did the book meeting and then went to pick up my kids. And then did homework all afternoon.

Today, I went back to the library to retrieve my report and finish it and print it and turn it in. I couldn't find it. I panicked, asked an employee what to do. She sent me a tech guy to recover my document. He checked three different computers in case I might have guessed the wrong one. Nope. It was gone. I had to start the whole thing over. It took me, no joke, four hours to write three pages. I've lost it. You don't understand, it was so hard finding the right quotes from the book (it's only 370 pages) and then I'm totally out of practice with MLA usage so I had to research that . . . . UGH! I turned that baby in at 4:49, and I know I will cry if I don't get an A on it.

My kids will have a mommy again Sunday.

P.S. Ben has a girlfriend. :(

Monday, February 16, 2009


He said: I don't know if she doesn't like me or if she wants me to make another move.
I said: Don't you hate the game? Maybe you like it. I hate the game.
Him: I do too. Wait a minute. Didn't you say you just wanna get married? But you don't like the game? How does that work?
Me: All I want is some guy to come over, introduce himself, ask me to marry him, and we'll live happily ever after.
Him: You sound like my roommate.
Me: That's funny.
Him: I have a question. Be open, okay?
Me: Absolutely.
Him: President Kimball said any two righteous people can make a marriage work. How's next Saturday work for you?
Me: [squealing inwardly] That is not romantic
Him: You didn't say anything about wanting romance!
Me: Well I'd at least like the guy on his knee!
Him: I'm on my knee now.
Me: You're typing on your knee?
Him: Only for you.

That is some paraphrasing and some direct quotes from a typed conversation I had with a very attractive young man today. You know, the one I've been writing a little about. The one who came over Saturday to babysit. After this part of the conversation, we decided to change our facebook status to "engaged" for the beans of it. We decided we'd be engaged for three days on facebook. THEN, he said, whoever gets the most comments makes the other person dinner. I said it's a deal.

Would that be a date? Did he just ask me out? I don't even know! I hope so. :D Either way, being asked to marry by the guy I've been crushin on since April last is very satisfying. :) Regardless of where this goes (likely it goes nowhere), this day will have been a great day. :D

Not to mention, Kim and Kadin being here all weekend was AWESOME! I love those guys so so so so so so much. Kim is the best friend anyone could ever want and Kadin is just simply one awesome kid, I'm so glad they're in my life! We had a really fun weekend and I totally regret that I didn't get one picture while they were all here! DUH!

Bye now.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Best Day!

First of all, the guy I like came over to babysit for me. I wanted to go to the temple, and he'd already said to call him if I ever need a sitter. So I asked him yesterday, totally forgetting that it's Valentine's Day, and you just don't ask a guy to babysit on Valentine's Day! Oh well, he said yeah. And he got here at like 2 and I left to the temple and the temple was closed. On valentine's day? What about all the Mormons who wanna get married on Love Day? I guess they had to go somewhere else. So I came back. And the guy stayed and we talked for an hour and a half. And now he's gone. Sniff. Anyway, he mostly talked about the girls he likes and how he's gonna ask one of 'em out for a date tonight and he had me read the poems he wrote her.

Oh, Cry.

Oh well. I had a good time having an adult over. An attractive, male adult. Who is several years my junior.

Second, KIMMIE AND KADIN ARE COMING TODAY! Hooray, jump off the couch and squeal! I can't even wait.

In Honor of Valentine's Day,

A poem.


In Safeway, arguing
About cornflakes.
At the park on the corner
Chasing their ten
On bikes. With a dog.
At church, holding hands,
Whispering something naughty
In the presence of God
Happy couples everywhere
And I'm the only one alone.

Friday, February 13, 2009

New Poem

This is a very idealistic poem. It's not all that great, as far as the writing itself, but I kinda dig the content. This is my dream. This is what I want to have one day. And, call me crazy, but I believe it's possible

Dinner at the Taylors'

Mrs. Taylor sets the soup at 5:01
Amy and Michael
And Sam and Kate Taylor
Are seated, waiting;
It's almost 5:10.
The house smells of sparkling lemon
The books are back at the library
The insurance payment is mailed
And at 5:10
Mr. Taylor enters, drops his briefcase,
And Mrs. Taylor rushes to his flung-out arms
Like it's been nine days
Instead of nine hours
And he kisses her
Like it's been a week
Instead of a day.
A chorus of "Daddy!" and "Hey, Dad,"
Piles upon his senses
As more arms eagerly squish and wrinkle his sweaty suit.
"How was your day, Joshua?" asks Mrs. Taylor, when it's quiet again.
"I'll say in a minute. First
Tell me all about yours."
And as he listens,
He loosens his tie
Then sits at his dinner throne.
Mrs. Taylor empties a ladle into the king's bowl
Then sits his
"Let's pray," says Mr. Taylor
And the family folds their fingers
After, Mrs. Taylor says softly, "Now Joshua,
About your day,"
And he tells her.
And he tells her that the soup
Is delicious,
And the house looks beautiful
And so does she.
And he asks Amy about her ballet rehearsal
And Michael about his cello lesson
And Sam about his pet rock collection
And Kate about her loose tooth.
And everybody talks
And everybody laughs.
Then he says,
"Thank you, Jeannie, dinner was wonderful," at 6:12 or so
And the family clears the table together.

Arctic Circle

Today, I received a totally unexpected check from work. I thought I'd already received my severance pay, but I guess that was from my last weeks there, duh. So I took the kids to Arctic Circle. They just put in a play zone and I thought the kids would like to play on the slides, since we haven't gone to a park in ages. I bought us all icecream, just to buy the right to play on the playzone. They had so much fun. Here's some super cute pictures.

How can you not love them with all your heart? They're so beautiful.

So there was this kid who was driving me crazy. He kept racing Matthias and grabbing and pushing him out of the way. He'd slide down with Matthias, ON TOP of him, like both of them on their stomachs, and the kid on top of Matty. Matty had no complaints though. He seemed to be enjoying being roughed up. But it bothered me. It was dangerous. My son could have been hurt. I kept waiting for this kid's mom to yell at him but she didn't care that her boy was pushing my kid around. I was considering confronting her and asking her to please tell her son to stop squishing my son down the slide, and to stop shoving him out of the way but then I had Matthias come to me and I told him to stop going down the slide with the other kid, that he had to go down alone. The other kid heard me I think, and then things got better.

It's just that, if my kid was shoving another kid (and this has happened, on several occasions), I would take care of it.

The End.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Somewhere Out There

1. Put your music library on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing this. Post a comment on their blog that says "You've been tagged! See my blog for details."
Money, Money, Money
Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)
Anyone Else But You
In My Arms
So Nice So Smart
9) WHAT IS 2+2?
The Prayer
The Way I Am
Slipping Through my Fingers
Soul Meets Body
New Shoes
I Will Follow You Into The Dark
You Can't Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd
Somewhere Over the Rainbow
I Love You
Can't Fight This Feeling
Somewhere Out There

Saturday, February 7, 2009

My little man

Matthias was getting tired of long hair. And the other day someone said I have really cute daughters. I gave in, even though I can't really afford it. But, you don't understand, someone called my son a girl!


I don't know. I really miss that bowl cut. Oh, and here he is "fixing" my door latch thing.

great commercial

Okay, I showed this to my kids, and I'm not kidding you, they loved it. They asked to see it again. However, parental discretion is advised. Pay attention to the color of the car.

My Children

I'm reading a book called A Thousand Splendid Suns for one of my classes. It's by the author of The Kite Runner. It says that on the cover. Every so often, I have Anna read a small word, so I pointed to "The" and she read it. Then I told her to read the next word, but first I told her the silent e rule. Then, I pointed to "kite." She read it. Boom, just like that, "kite," no sounding out, no stuttering, she just read it like she's known it her whole life! Astonishing! I did a little dance and had her try "runner."
What she said: "err uhh nn nn" then she stopped. I told her what "er" says. Then she said "err uh nn nn er" and I thought she'd forever be tripped up over the double n, but then she said, "Runner!"

She's my genius! I'm so excited! Also, she can count to 100 and she knows all the planets in order from the sun, and she doesn't start Kindergarten till the fall.

Okay, Matthias is also a genius. He loves tools and I got him a play set for Christmas. Oh, wait, let's give credit where credit is due, Santa got it for him. Today he found my screw driver that has a thing in it that you can turn around to either make a phillips or a flathead. He wanted to play with that. I might be a bad mom, but I said okay, just be very careful. He fixed the dresser and such, made his usual pretend rounds. Then he starts to work at an actual screw, which is holding the door latch thing for my closet. He totally removed the screw! And then, being responsible, he screwed it right back in!

I don't know if that's above average or absolutely normal or what, but I don't care, I'm completely impressed and proud. Anna was proud too. She said, "he's Handy Manny!" (a Nickelodean cartoon who fixes stuff). Cute! "He's really good at that!"

Then Mattie let Anna have a try, and he gave her praise too. "Good Girl!" he said. I don't like that though. But Anna did, so that's all that counts!

I love them.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Test and such

Last week I had my first tests. I've had several quizes, but my first tests were last week. One was in my religion class, on which I got like a low B, which is hugely embarrassing. Religion! Come on! The other was science. Science has been my least favorite subject since embryo. I love science, really I do, I appreciate it, and I appreciate those who understand it. I don't. So. I was nervous about the test, but unit one was about the planets and the galaxy and the history of the universe, and that's not hard stuff. I got a B on that test, which I'm happy with. Even though the history of the universe isn't really hard, it's still science, so I'll gladly take a B.

Today I had another test. It's for my least favorite class, Middle East. I don't know what it's really called. World ideologies: conflicts in the Middle East or something like that. Anyway. I have nothing against Arabs or Muslims. I thought it would be interesting to learn about what's happening over there. And it IS interesting. But it's so so so so so so much reading. For a two credit class, it sure is a lot of work. And that's why I hate it. Oh, also, because reading about water conflicts in Israel and Turkey is boring. Also, every day we have a quiz. Most of them are 3 questions. For most of them, I get 2 right. That's 66%! I'm just hoping I pass this class. Anyway, needless to say, I was not looking forward to this test today. I'm happy to report that I did not get 66% on the test, but 87%. Yes! A B! I'll take it.

There was a time, pre-motherhood, when three B's was depressing. I'd cry if I got a B. Because it wasn't an A. Mostly, I got A's. I'm talking about the last time I was in college, like, 8 years ago. Anyway. Now, I'm a little lighter on myself because I have kids. And I study for my tests with Wall*E or Polar Express as my background music. I study for my tests with many distractions from hungry, sleepy, cranky, sick, needy children (all of these attributes they sometimes, not always, are). And they come first. (Except when I'm being selfish, which does happen from time to time.) So. I'll take a B. Especially in Middle East!

The End.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


I think I totally failed to post my son's official diagnosis. Two weeks ago, we went back to the doc in Idaho Falls to go over Matthias' test results. Dr. Lawson said she didn't see any autism at all, so Asperger's is not it. That's good. She said he has ADHD. She gave me a list of books to read, which maybe I will one day when I don't have pounds and pounds of homework. She suggested family therapy and PSR, which is counselors coming to your home and observing your child. I can't even think how that would help and not harm, so I'm sure I'll never do that. Family therapy, though, maybe.

She said it's not that bad, though. And she said she doesn't recommend meds at this point (which is good, since I refuse to drug my kid) but that I should consider that in a few years when he starts school. Thanks, but no. Well, I mean, never say never, but I don't see it getting so so so bad that I feel the need to put him on meds. Especially what with the blessing he got and all.

So. My kid has ADHD. Weird.

I love him.

Kimmie, Kadin and Stephanie go to McCall

Coupla things. I got to Nampa on Friday a wee bit early and brought the kids to my parents. I had Dad give Matthias a blessing, hoping to remove the ADHD or whatever it is that is causing his impulsiveness and aggression. And, hooray, he was so blessed! And he's already doing markedly better. In fact, on Tuesday (yesterday), his daycare teacher pulled me aside to talk to me (which she never does, usually I'm the one who asks how he's been doing, which is no problem of course) and said how great Matty was on Monday. She said he was calm and cooperative and delightful. Yesterday another of his "teachers" said he hasn't been having his fits lately. Now, whether his sudden change in behavior was a direct result of the blessing remains to be seen. Not that I doubt that what was spoken in the blessing will come to pass, because I don't, but I have no clue what God's timeframe is on it.

So many reasons I love being a Mormon. :D

Oh, side note: Apparently, I have readers who are against me, and who use my postings against me and to start contention, so in the near future, I will be setting this to private. Which means anyone who wants to read my blog will have to have an email invitation. Anyone who's on my list will automatically receive one. Anyone else, please let me know.

On Saturday, my favorite friend Kimmie, her boy and my boy Kadin (I'll ever claim him as my stepson!), and I went to McCall to see the ice sculptures at the ice festival. Click for an example of a really cool sculpture from a past festival:
Really cool sphinx

Well, they have dozens of sculptures. I'd never been so I was excited. When we got there we were hungry, and my dad had given me some money, knowing I'm broke, for lunch! Thanks, Dad! So we had super expensive burgers that were delicious but took forever since there were so many people. Everything is expensive in McCall. $6 for a burger is silly, if you ask me. But, again, it was delicious.

Then we went in search of parking. Found such. Then we went in search of sculptures. Here's the ones we saw:

Look, Kadin is gonna be on our $1000 bill!

check out her crazy windblown hair
And that's it. Seriously? Yes. We went to the place Kim said they usually have a gathering of sculptures, but there were none. So we walked around the town and found no more. So we found a map from a grumpy store owner and we tried to read it but none of us do maps. And it only confused us more. Apparently, there are 31 sculptures, but we didn't know where they were stashed. Probably in a cellar somewhere.

We did see the grand prize one, and it was AWESOME, but we only drove by it, so here's the best I could do:

Well, we were disappointed, but we had fun doing other things. I walked off the normal path to take such pictures as this:

And then I fell into snow-quicksand. I sunk to my knee, which forced gallons of snow up my pant leg up to my knee. I had Kim take a picture:I love that girl and everything, but you can't even appreciate how deep my the snow is around my leg! Of course, I was rushing her; my entire leg was shriveling into a stick of goosebumps.

Then we went for hot chocolate/coffee/icecream.
We don't really know why he wanted ice cream. But, at least he didn't eat the yellow snow.

And I said, Kim, Kadin, look here, I'm taking a picture!
So here's what happened. As I was shooting, Kadin found a hair in his icecream. He's holding it. Check out that expression! Classic.
We tried again.
Oh my cuteness.

I had mint hot chocolate. It was divine.
Kadin tripped. I, being insensitive, snapped a picture, while laughing.

What a cute kid. Man, I miss him. So do Anna and Mattie.I do have a very few more photos I wanna post, but I'm gonna be late for class. BYE!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Anna's lie

In the recent past, my dear daughter has been saying sort-of lies. Mostly along the lines of "Matty did it!" when I know she didn't see him do any such thing. "Did you see him?" I'll ask her. And she'll admit that she did not. And I'll tell her that's lying, even though she might be right, Matthias MAY have done it, but since she didn't see him, it's a lie. We've had some discussions about lying as a result, and I believe she understands what a lie is.

This weekend, the kids were at their dad's. On the way home, Anna said, "my daddy said Kadin doesn't like him anymore." This statement requires a ton of background -- Kadin is Anna's half brother who lives with his mom Kim (who is my favorite friend!) and Anna's dad hasn't been picking up Kadin for his weekends lately. I'm not sure of the details as to why not, but I think it's because Randy hates Kim so much. But, really, I don't know. Anyway, Anna's statement surprised me a little. I'd just spent all Saturday with Kim and Kadin and Kadin never once said he doesn't like his dad. He did tell me that his dad didn't pick him up, though, almost like he wished he had. So, I responded to Anna, "That's not true, Kadin likes Daddy. He misses Daddy."
To which my somber child responded, emotionless, "My daddy lied to me."

Huh. What do you say to that? Maybe it wasn't so much a lie as a misinterpretation on his part. I don't know. But I didn't say anything. I couldn't. If she's right, I couldn't say, "No he didn't," and make me the liar. But I also couldn't say "Yes, I'm sorry, he did." I want her to believe in her daddy. She's five. She needs to believe her dad is the best there is and that he would never do anything to hurt her.

I just can't believe she came to that conclusion like that! "My daddy lied to me." She's so smart, so observant. It's heartbreaking, her conclusion. Where's the benefit of the doubt?! She's not like me in that way, I guess. I give the benefit of the doubt even beyond doubtability.

Anyway. Let's talk about Anna's lie.

Yesterday I was putting Matthias down for a nap. I told Anna she could have some cookies and gave her a little bucket full of little cookies. When I came out of the room, most the cookies were gone already. She said "I ate them all." Okay.

Not five minutes later, as I'm cleanin the kitchen, I find about 5 cookies in the trash. I called Anna in and told her what I saw in the trash. "Didn't you tell me you ate them?" I asked her. She started crying immediately and said she was sorry, she was sorry. "What are you sorry for?" I asked her. I needed her to understand it was not the cookies in the trash that upset me, but the lie. We soon got there and she said she was sorry for lying.

Lies are a big, big deal to me. I know all kids lie at some point. But I'll not go through parenthood letting my kids think that the occasional lie is okay. Not even if it's about something so inconsequential like cookies in the trash. I didn't know what to do. Finally I decided I wanted some chocolate chip cookies, so I bought some. I told Anna since she lied about cookies, she doesn't get anymore today. She whined and apologized some more and said she won't lie again. And Matthias and I had some cookies while she didn't. I don't know if that was right though because I worry that I emphasized the cookie part and not the lie part with that punishment.

Well today, I gave her a cookie and asked her why she wasn't allowed to have one yesterday. She gave the right answer, and we talked about lying some more, and I asked her which was worse - throwing the cookies away or lying about it, and she said lying about it. I hope she understands that.

I looked at her while she was crying about it yesterday and told her I was very upset about the lie, and even though her lie disappointed me, I always love her, no matter what, and that made her cry some more. She's so sweet. :)

I wonder if it's coincidence that she lied about something the day after she realized "my daddy lied to me." Was it the power of her perception of his example which inspired her? Or was it totally unrelated?

Either way, as parents, we need to be very, very careful.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Poetry Central

It's been a while since I've written poetry. It's one of my favorite things to do. I'm no Maya Angelou, but sometimes I surprise myself. I have been writing again very recently, so I'll likely post some more in the near future. Sorry for ya.

So, today in my Conflict of the Middle East class (my least favorite, only because I have SO much reading), we had to write a poem. You might say, "???" That's what I said too. Oh well. Well, first we read a poem by Arab Mahmoud Darwish called Identity Card. Here it is (after translation):
Record !
I am an Arab
And my identity card is number fifty thousand
I have eight children
And the ninth is coming after a summer
Will you be angry?

Record !
I am an Arab
Employed with fellow workers at a quarry
I have eight children
I get them bread
Garments and books
from the rocks...
I do not supplicate charity at your doors
Nor do I belittle myself
at the footsteps of your chamber
So will you be angry?

Record !
I am an Arab
I have a name without a title
Patient in a country
Where people are enraged
My roots
Were entrenched before the birth of time
And before the opening of the eras
Before the pines, and the olive trees
And before the grass grew.

My father..
descends from the family of the plow
Not from a privileged class
And my grandfather..was a farmer
Neither well-bred, nor well-born!
Teaches me the pride of the sun
Before teaching me how to read
And my house
is like a watchman's hut
Made of branches and cane
Are you satisfied with my status?
I have a name without a title !

Record !
I am an Arab
You have stolen the orchards
of my ancestors
And the land
which I cultivated
Along with my children
And you left nothing for us
Except for these rocks..
So will the State take them
As it has been said?!

Therefore !
Record on the top of the first page:
I do not hate people
Nor do I encroach
But if I become hungry
The usurper's flesh will be my food
Of my hunger
And my anger!

So my professor wanted us to write a poem called Identity Card. Here's mine:

I am divorced!
My children live
In a "broken home."
I hear your silence when you learn
I am divorced.

I am mother!
My children are not broken
I am not broken
I know from them true joy,
And they learn joy from me.
I am mother.

I am Christian
The Savior of all loves me now
As He did before divorce
He wants to save me now,
and my children,
As He did then.
From His fold, I am not divorced
Praise to God-
I am Christian!

Pray, see my heart broken by God,
Not my home broken by man.

I just happen to think it's not so bad for having a ten minute time limit. :D

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Mrs. Finch

Mrs. Finch

I knew basic arithmetic,
The hour Punky Brewster aired,
And how to write a complete sentence
when he was born.

But he reminds me of Atticus.
And Anna could be Scout
And Matty could be Jem.
And he could be my Atticus.

There is danger in the pursuit of fiction.
But Atticus . . .

Atticus embodies truth.


Monday, January 26, 2009

Tax Returns!

I'm all filed! Woo hoo! I'll be getting my return in about 2 weeks, and it's going to be enough to live off of for four months (if I continue my current living lifestyle, which is poverty, which I will). I'd wanted to get a Wii but since I'm unemployed, I think I better not do that. I'm bummed. But. If I get a job soon, I'm still gettin me a Wii!

Today I stayed home from school because Matthias threw up at about midnight and then again at about 6 this morning. But after that, nothing. I could have gone. Oh well.

Seems like there was some other excellent news, but I can't remember. Hmm. Well today Matthias said, "Chicken turns you yellow."

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Anna said

"The boys will think I'm pretty in this dress."

NO!!!! Anna, please don't think about boys thinking you're pretty. You're five.

"Mom, you have hairy arms. You must stop drinking Pepsi."

Anna: I will be hot in this shirt.
Me: If you get hot you can roll your sleeves up.
Anna: No, that's not what I mean. Hot means fabulous. I will be, very, very hot in this shirt!"

Saturday, January 24, 2009

My 100th Post! (I think)

And I'll make it about my kids:

Today, Matthias pooped and needed help wiping. Such are the joys of motherhood. Anyway, as he was flushing, he said, "that is some seriously green poop!"

WHAT? Firstly, it wasn't remotely green, let alone "seriously green." Second, WHAT? Oh it was so funny! Hearing those words come out of his three year old mouth in that order... Oh I love him.

Today, Anna said -- oh no, I forgot. NO! It was so dang funny! It just now slipped my mind, I'm willing its return.... not working.... Oh man. Dangit. Seriously should write these things down as they happen.

Some pictures:

Friday, January 23, 2009

Totally Infatuated

UGH! So there's this guy. I think he's totally perfect and I think I could never ever ever come close to deserving him, but I want to be with him anyway. I've known him for a few years. He's from Nampa, and is now attending BYU-I. He's in one of my classes, and we talk before and after each class period. And that's the extent of our relationship. But I wish it was more. I'm so attracted to his soul that his good looks don't distract me.

His family is amazing. His parents were so wonderful and helpful when Randy left. I LOVE his parents!

He's funny, very smart, very faithful in the LDS church, very gentle and kind. He asks me questions like he cares about the answers. AND I can't stop thinking about him. And it's so annoying. And he said for me to call him if I ever need a babysitter. Just out of the blue offered, like he knows what it's like to be a single mom! He's not so egocentric like a lot of guys are.

The first day I met him, I looked in his eyes and had to immediately look away because of some weird power that I felt. This was a good five years ago. I was married, happily, and he was very young. So I put that strange experience in the back of my mind. And now we're in a class together. What does it mean? Probably nothing. But possibly, hopefully, something.

If he was 30, I would totally tell him how I feel! But, as it is, he's not 30, and there's thousands of younger women who deserve him. It feels like it wouldn't be fair for him to date me. I don't think I'm that bad, but he's that good. On the other hand, I really want to be with someone better than I am because I know I would be inspired to match his goodness in such an arrangement.

Even though he's quite young, he exhibits remarkable maturity, so maybe he's looking for someone a little older? But who looks for a mom, you know? UGH!


The finalists are up! Man, there are some good ones, and make sure you go to TAMN's site and vote for Melanie!!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

VOTE for Melanie!

My sister is Melanie and I have nominated her for a contest on She's a finalist!!!!!!! Tomorrow is the day to vote, 1.23.2009, so get on it friends! Vote for my sister! Check out the blog and you'll see what the prizes are on one of her earlier posts. Vote vote vote!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

FHE, Newborns, Fish

For Family Home Evening on Monday, we made Jesus books. I remember when I was a kid, Mom got us a little photo album and we put pictures of Jesus in it so we could have something to look at during the Sacrament service at church, rather than being bored and disruptive. My kids get bored and disruptive at church (and I'm relatively certain mine are the only ones who are sometimes inappropriately loud) so I thought we'd attempt the same thing. We got old church magazines and found pictures of Jesus and cut them out and glued them on the little paper books we made. Anna thought it was pretty fun, but Matthias pretty much threw a fit the entire time. Until pictures. Here's a view of the final product:

He's saying, "look Mommy, that's what we have at church!" or something like that.

Fast forward to yesterday, 1.16. Jennifer (mi prima, who lives in Rexburg, thank goodness I have family here) had her third baby. I watched her kids while she went to deliver a child. Here she is, just about to head out the door. Why can't we all look this good 8 hours before bearing a child?
The kids were being really good playing in the bedroom. I could hear them play, which is a good sign (parents know that too-quiet is dangerous). I decided to see what they were doing. I found the four of them in Jaden and Jenna's closet:

This is just cute. Jenna:
Jaden and Jenna were twirling with the belts:
Today, I took the kids to the hospital to see their new second cousin.
Pizza face
Oh, man, he's beautiful, no? The sweetest little thing. I didn't wanna return him to his mother.
Momma and babe.
There's a fish tank in one corrider of the hospital. Matthias cannot resist stopping at any fish tank. Don't you love his face? I love his face.
Here he is through the tank.
And Anna, who, with her coat and hat, looks like a scuba diver. :)

The End.