Friday, February 27, 2009

midterms again

Well apparently I'm the only one who can see that link about my midterm grades. So I'll just tell you. I got a C in science. Listen, I'm passing, alright? YOU try doing six classes and being single parent and THEN judge, okay? ;) hehe. A B+ in my religion class. A B+ in my humanities class. An A- in my Middle East class (that was a pleasant surprise!), and an A in both my communications classes.

Yay!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Midterm grades!

Click here to view my midterm grades.

Not bad! I'll take it! Even that big fat ugly C!

Happy Birthday to Me!

So yesterday was my birthday. Now I'm 28 years old. Twenty-eight and dreadfully single! At least I have kids.
It was a rockin day. Woke up for class and Anna woke and said, "Is it your birthday?" I told her yes so she said, "Happy birthday!" and then she wrapped up one of her barbie dolls in a piece of cloth and gave it to me. What a little sweetie!
My dad texted me a little while later (that's right, my dad is hip) and I reminded him that my birthday marks his anniversary of becoming a father. Wow, he's been a parent for 28 years! Beans.
I went to my communications class and announced that it was my birthday. How else would they know, you know? I did NOT, however, expect them to sing to me, which they did. And one girl that I barely know made me a little card out of notebook paper! It was the sweetest thing!
Then I went to my religion class, which is probably my most difficult class -- emotionally. The class is Family Foundations and so the content is all about the importance of eternal marriage and eternal families and every class time my loneliness is magnified because I WANT A HUSBAND! And that class only makes such desires stronger. Can't wait till it's over.
Then I went to the daycares to pick up the kids. Anna's daycare first. I walked into her class, and the whole class said, "Happy birthday!" I felt special. Anna told on me. Her teacher told me she had told the class to say "happy birthday" when I walked in. She's five! She's gonna be a little party planner. Anna was eating lunch in a different classroom so I went to get her. She asked me if everybody said happy birthday to me. She's just so darn sweet! Takin care of me like that....
Then I went to get Mattie and no one said happy birthday when I got there. :) Boys! Haha, kidding.
We went to Jennifer's at her request and she got me a super cute shirt and made me a pie!
Lots of family called.
I thought it was over but then at 8:00 my visiting teacher and my neighbor came over with a balloon, a cake and a present! And a song. That was so cool! It was my only wrapped gift of the day and I LOVE unwrapping presents! It was a book. I was touched. It was very kind of them. They came in a visited for a while.
Then I stayed up till TWO (!!!) and did homework.

Dude. I'm going to be late to class.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Anna's adult wisdom

I've been feelin really bad about gettin a divorce lately. I mean, for my kids. I don't wish I was still married to Randy. I do wish I'd chosen better, and that my kids lived in a two parent home. So I feel bad. It's been weighin on my mind.
Today I told Anna, "I'm sorry I got a divorce."
She said "We could live in Nampa" and I was about to remind her that even if we lived in Nampa, we still wouldn't live with her dad, but she spoke before I got to it.
She said, "why did Daddy want to marry someone else?"
I said, "I don't know, sweetie."
She said softly, knowingly, "Maybe Dawn is the bestest for my daddy."
I thought a moment before saying, "maybe she is."
My little thinker.
Then she said, perhaps worried that she may have hurt my feelings, "But you're the best mommy." I just love that girl!

Well. I do think Randy and Dawn deserve eachother. :)

Friday, February 20, 2009

EXHAUSTED

Holy cow, what a week. It's midterm. This week I had a science test, a humanities test, a big ol' humanities paper due, a mandatory book group, a meeting with a tutor, a communications writing assignment, and the rest of my normal assignments. I haven't cleaned my house all week. And I'm not even done with school. Tomorrow I have a mandatory career workshop that's three hours long, and then I have to attend a choir performance for my humanities class. I've never been so stressed mentally since my days at Snow. AGH!

So here's how it went. Not well. Tuesday was my humanities test. Um, yeah, that's my stuff. I fully expected an A. Nope. B. A low B even. I was pretty upset about that. I know this stuff! I know about literature and poetry and art! Actually, not so much art, and I think that's where I went wrong. Oh well. There was an essay and poetry analysis that hasn't been graded yet, so hopefully that will boost my grade. I think it will, actually. At least to a high B.

Science has been really tough. Radioactivity and atomic weight and JJ Thompson do nothing for me. I don't care. I don't care about uranium 238. I try. But I don't care. And it confuses me. I don't get it. And then element equations? Come on! It's just beyond me, and I really do try to understand it, but nothing clicks. So my science test was yesterday. I met with a tutor for an hour. I thought I had a handle on things a little better after that. I went to the testing center straight after tutoring, and managed to get 64%. When I saw that score, I experienced a strange mixture of relief and despair. I was seriously so, so glad I passed! But, my desire for A's caused a great disappointment.

I spent 2.5 hours yesterday on my book report. This is not just any book report. Had to be all formal and pretty and perfect and had several parts (Summary, character analysis, style, research, bibliography, etc.) and I had to use quotes from the book and it had to be all MLA and anyway, I was almost done when it was time for my book group meeting (about the very book I was reporting) so I saved it. I was using a computer at the campus library. It was due today by 5. Anyway, I did the book meeting and then went to pick up my kids. And then did homework all afternoon.

Today, I went back to the library to retrieve my report and finish it and print it and turn it in. I couldn't find it. I panicked, asked an employee what to do. She sent me a tech guy to recover my document. He checked three different computers in case I might have guessed the wrong one. Nope. It was gone. I had to start the whole thing over. It took me, no joke, four hours to write three pages. I've lost it. You don't understand, it was so hard finding the right quotes from the book (it's only 370 pages) and then I'm totally out of practice with MLA usage so I had to research that . . . . UGH! I turned that baby in at 4:49, and I know I will cry if I don't get an A on it.

My kids will have a mommy again Sunday.

P.S. Ben has a girlfriend. :(

Monday, February 16, 2009

Conversation

He said: I don't know if she doesn't like me or if she wants me to make another move.
I said: Don't you hate the game? Maybe you like it. I hate the game.
Him: I do too. Wait a minute. Didn't you say you just wanna get married? But you don't like the game? How does that work?
Me: All I want is some guy to come over, introduce himself, ask me to marry him, and we'll live happily ever after.
Him: You sound like my roommate.
Me: That's funny.
Him: I have a question. Be open, okay?
Me: Absolutely.
Him: President Kimball said any two righteous people can make a marriage work. How's next Saturday work for you?
Me: [squealing inwardly] That is not romantic
Him: You didn't say anything about wanting romance!
Me: Well I'd at least like the guy on his knee!
Him: I'm on my knee now.
Me: You're typing on your knee?
Him: Only for you.

That is some paraphrasing and some direct quotes from a typed conversation I had with a very attractive young man today. You know, the one I've been writing a little about. The one who came over Saturday to babysit. After this part of the conversation, we decided to change our facebook status to "engaged" for the beans of it. We decided we'd be engaged for three days on facebook. THEN, he said, whoever gets the most comments makes the other person dinner. I said it's a deal.

Would that be a date? Did he just ask me out? I don't even know! I hope so. :D Either way, being asked to marry by the guy I've been crushin on since April last is very satisfying. :) Regardless of where this goes (likely it goes nowhere), this day will have been a great day. :D

Not to mention, Kim and Kadin being here all weekend was AWESOME! I love those guys so so so so so so much. Kim is the best friend anyone could ever want and Kadin is just simply one awesome kid, I'm so glad they're in my life! We had a really fun weekend and I totally regret that I didn't get one picture while they were all here! DUH!

Bye now.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Best Day!

First of all, the guy I like came over to babysit for me. I wanted to go to the temple, and he'd already said to call him if I ever need a sitter. So I asked him yesterday, totally forgetting that it's Valentine's Day, and you just don't ask a guy to babysit on Valentine's Day! Oh well, he said yeah. And he got here at like 2 and I left to the temple and the temple was closed. On valentine's day? What about all the Mormons who wanna get married on Love Day? I guess they had to go somewhere else. So I came back. And the guy stayed and we talked for an hour and a half. And now he's gone. Sniff. Anyway, he mostly talked about the girls he likes and how he's gonna ask one of 'em out for a date tonight and he had me read the poems he wrote her.

Oh, Cry.

Oh well. I had a good time having an adult over. An attractive, male adult. Who is several years my junior.

Second, KIMMIE AND KADIN ARE COMING TODAY! Hooray, jump off the couch and squeal! I can't even wait.

In Honor of Valentine's Day,

A poem.

Couples

In Safeway, arguing
About cornflakes.
At the park on the corner
Chasing their ten
Lovely
Kids
On bikes. With a dog.
At church, holding hands,
Whispering something naughty
In the presence of God
Happy couples everywhere
And I'm the only one alone.
1.30.09

Friday, February 13, 2009

New Poem

This is a very idealistic poem. It's not all that great, as far as the writing itself, but I kinda dig the content. This is my dream. This is what I want to have one day. And, call me crazy, but I believe it's possible

Dinner at the Taylors'

Mrs. Taylor sets the soup at 5:01
Amy and Michael
And Sam and Kate Taylor
Are seated, waiting;
It's almost 5:10.
The house smells of sparkling lemon
The books are back at the library
The insurance payment is mailed
And at 5:10
Mr. Taylor enters, drops his briefcase,
And Mrs. Taylor rushes to his flung-out arms
Like it's been nine days
Instead of nine hours
And he kisses her
Like it's been a week
Instead of a day.
A chorus of "Daddy!" and "Hey, Dad,"
Piles upon his senses
As more arms eagerly squish and wrinkle his sweaty suit.
"How was your day, Joshua?" asks Mrs. Taylor, when it's quiet again.
"I'll say in a minute. First
Tell me all about yours."
And as he listens,
He loosens his tie
Then sits at his dinner throne.
Mrs. Taylor empties a ladle into the king's bowl
Then sits his
Opposite.
"Let's pray," says Mr. Taylor
And the family folds their fingers
Together.
After, Mrs. Taylor says softly, "Now Joshua,
About your day,"
And he tells her.
And he tells her that the soup
Is delicious,
And the house looks beautiful
And so does she.
And he asks Amy about her ballet rehearsal
And Michael about his cello lesson
And Sam about his pet rock collection
And Kate about her loose tooth.
And everybody talks
And everybody laughs.
Then he says,
"Thank you, Jeannie, dinner was wonderful," at 6:12 or so
And the family clears the table together.
1.30.2009

Arctic Circle

Today, I received a totally unexpected check from work. I thought I'd already received my severance pay, but I guess that was from my last weeks there, duh. So I took the kids to Arctic Circle. They just put in a play zone and I thought the kids would like to play on the slides, since we haven't gone to a park in ages. I bought us all icecream, just to buy the right to play on the playzone. They had so much fun. Here's some super cute pictures.






How can you not love them with all your heart? They're so beautiful.

So there was this kid who was driving me crazy. He kept racing Matthias and grabbing and pushing him out of the way. He'd slide down with Matthias, ON TOP of him, like both of them on their stomachs, and the kid on top of Matty. Matty had no complaints though. He seemed to be enjoying being roughed up. But it bothered me. It was dangerous. My son could have been hurt. I kept waiting for this kid's mom to yell at him but she didn't care that her boy was pushing my kid around. I was considering confronting her and asking her to please tell her son to stop squishing my son down the slide, and to stop shoving him out of the way but then I had Matthias come to me and I told him to stop going down the slide with the other kid, that he had to go down alone. The other kid heard me I think, and then things got better.

It's just that, if my kid was shoving another kid (and this has happened, on several occasions), I would take care of it.

The End.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Somewhere Out There

1. Put your music library on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG TITLE DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing this. Post a comment on their blog that says "You've been tagged! See my blog for details."
1) IF SOMEONE SAYS, "IS THIS OKAY," YOU SAY?
Money, Money, Money
2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)
3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Chiquitita
4)HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Hurt
5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Anyone Else But You
6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
In My Arms
7) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Waterfall
8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
So Nice So Smart
9) WHAT IS 2+2?
The Prayer
10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Hallelujah
11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
The Way I Am
12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Slipping Through my Fingers
13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
SOS
14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Soul Meets Body
15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
New Shoes
16) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
I Will Follow You Into The Dark
17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
You Can't Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd
18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Somewhere Over the Rainbow
19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I Love You
20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Can't Fight This Feeling
21) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Somewhere Out There

Saturday, February 7, 2009

My little man

Matthias was getting tired of long hair. And the other day someone said I have really cute daughters. I gave in, even though I can't really afford it. But, you don't understand, someone called my son a girl!

Before:
After:

I don't know. I really miss that bowl cut. Oh, and here he is "fixing" my door latch thing.

great commercial

Okay, I showed this to my kids, and I'm not kidding you, they loved it. They asked to see it again. However, parental discretion is advised. Pay attention to the color of the car.

My Children

I'm reading a book called A Thousand Splendid Suns for one of my classes. It's by the author of The Kite Runner. It says that on the cover. Every so often, I have Anna read a small word, so I pointed to "The" and she read it. Then I told her to read the next word, but first I told her the silent e rule. Then, I pointed to "kite." She read it. Boom, just like that, "kite," no sounding out, no stuttering, she just read it like she's known it her whole life! Astonishing! I did a little dance and had her try "runner."
What she said: "err uhh nn nn" then she stopped. I told her what "er" says. Then she said "err uh nn nn er" and I thought she'd forever be tripped up over the double n, but then she said, "Runner!"

She's my genius! I'm so excited! Also, she can count to 100 and she knows all the planets in order from the sun, and she doesn't start Kindergarten till the fall.

Okay, Matthias is also a genius. He loves tools and I got him a play set for Christmas. Oh, wait, let's give credit where credit is due, Santa got it for him. Today he found my screw driver that has a thing in it that you can turn around to either make a phillips or a flathead. He wanted to play with that. I might be a bad mom, but I said okay, just be very careful. He fixed the dresser and such, made his usual pretend rounds. Then he starts to work at an actual screw, which is holding the door latch thing for my closet. He totally removed the screw! And then, being responsible, he screwed it right back in!

I don't know if that's above average or absolutely normal or what, but I don't care, I'm completely impressed and proud. Anna was proud too. She said, "he's Handy Manny!" (a Nickelodean cartoon who fixes stuff). Cute! "He's really good at that!"

Then Mattie let Anna have a try, and he gave her praise too. "Good Girl!" he said. I don't like that though. But Anna did, so that's all that counts!

I love them.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Test and such

Last week I had my first tests. I've had several quizes, but my first tests were last week. One was in my religion class, on which I got like a low B, which is hugely embarrassing. Religion! Come on! The other was science. Science has been my least favorite subject since embryo. I love science, really I do, I appreciate it, and I appreciate those who understand it. I don't. So. I was nervous about the test, but unit one was about the planets and the galaxy and the history of the universe, and that's not hard stuff. I got a B on that test, which I'm happy with. Even though the history of the universe isn't really hard, it's still science, so I'll gladly take a B.

Today I had another test. It's for my least favorite class, Middle East. I don't know what it's really called. World ideologies: conflicts in the Middle East or something like that. Anyway. I have nothing against Arabs or Muslims. I thought it would be interesting to learn about what's happening over there. And it IS interesting. But it's so so so so so so much reading. For a two credit class, it sure is a lot of work. And that's why I hate it. Oh, also, because reading about water conflicts in Israel and Turkey is boring. Also, every day we have a quiz. Most of them are 3 questions. For most of them, I get 2 right. That's 66%! I'm just hoping I pass this class. Anyway, needless to say, I was not looking forward to this test today. I'm happy to report that I did not get 66% on the test, but 87%. Yes! A B! I'll take it.

There was a time, pre-motherhood, when three B's was depressing. I'd cry if I got a B. Because it wasn't an A. Mostly, I got A's. I'm talking about the last time I was in college, like, 8 years ago. Anyway. Now, I'm a little lighter on myself because I have kids. And I study for my tests with Wall*E or Polar Express as my background music. I study for my tests with many distractions from hungry, sleepy, cranky, sick, needy children (all of these attributes they sometimes, not always, are). And they come first. (Except when I'm being selfish, which does happen from time to time.) So. I'll take a B. Especially in Middle East!

The End.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

ADHD

I think I totally failed to post my son's official diagnosis. Two weeks ago, we went back to the doc in Idaho Falls to go over Matthias' test results. Dr. Lawson said she didn't see any autism at all, so Asperger's is not it. That's good. She said he has ADHD. She gave me a list of books to read, which maybe I will one day when I don't have pounds and pounds of homework. She suggested family therapy and PSR, which is counselors coming to your home and observing your child. I can't even think how that would help and not harm, so I'm sure I'll never do that. Family therapy, though, maybe.

She said it's not that bad, though. And she said she doesn't recommend meds at this point (which is good, since I refuse to drug my kid) but that I should consider that in a few years when he starts school. Thanks, but no. Well, I mean, never say never, but I don't see it getting so so so bad that I feel the need to put him on meds. Especially what with the blessing he got and all.

So. My kid has ADHD. Weird.

I love him.

Kimmie, Kadin and Stephanie go to McCall

Coupla things. I got to Nampa on Friday a wee bit early and brought the kids to my parents. I had Dad give Matthias a blessing, hoping to remove the ADHD or whatever it is that is causing his impulsiveness and aggression. And, hooray, he was so blessed! And he's already doing markedly better. In fact, on Tuesday (yesterday), his daycare teacher pulled me aside to talk to me (which she never does, usually I'm the one who asks how he's been doing, which is no problem of course) and said how great Matty was on Monday. She said he was calm and cooperative and delightful. Yesterday another of his "teachers" said he hasn't been having his fits lately. Now, whether his sudden change in behavior was a direct result of the blessing remains to be seen. Not that I doubt that what was spoken in the blessing will come to pass, because I don't, but I have no clue what God's timeframe is on it.

So many reasons I love being a Mormon. :D

Oh, side note: Apparently, I have readers who are against me, and who use my postings against me and to start contention, so in the near future, I will be setting this to private. Which means anyone who wants to read my blog will have to have an email invitation. Anyone who's on my list will automatically receive one. Anyone else, please let me know.

On Saturday, my favorite friend Kimmie, her boy and my boy Kadin (I'll ever claim him as my stepson!), and I went to McCall to see the ice sculptures at the ice festival. Click for an example of a really cool sculpture from a past festival:
Really cool sphinx

Well, they have dozens of sculptures. I'd never been so I was excited. When we got there we were hungry, and my dad had given me some money, knowing I'm broke, for lunch! Thanks, Dad! So we had super expensive burgers that were delicious but took forever since there were so many people. Everything is expensive in McCall. $6 for a burger is silly, if you ask me. But, again, it was delicious.

Then we went in search of parking. Found such. Then we went in search of sculptures. Here's the ones we saw:

Look, Kadin is gonna be on our $1000 bill!



check out her crazy windblown hair
And that's it. Seriously? Yes. We went to the place Kim said they usually have a gathering of sculptures, but there were none. So we walked around the town and found no more. So we found a map from a grumpy store owner and we tried to read it but none of us do maps. And it only confused us more. Apparently, there are 31 sculptures, but we didn't know where they were stashed. Probably in a cellar somewhere.

We did see the grand prize one, and it was AWESOME, but we only drove by it, so here's the best I could do:

Well, we were disappointed, but we had fun doing other things. I walked off the normal path to take such pictures as this:

And then I fell into snow-quicksand. I sunk to my knee, which forced gallons of snow up my pant leg up to my knee. I had Kim take a picture:I love that girl and everything, but you can't even appreciate how deep my the snow is around my leg! Of course, I was rushing her; my entire leg was shriveling into a stick of goosebumps.

Then we went for hot chocolate/coffee/icecream.
We don't really know why he wanted ice cream. But, at least he didn't eat the yellow snow.

And I said, Kim, Kadin, look here, I'm taking a picture!
So here's what happened. As I was shooting, Kadin found a hair in his icecream. He's holding it. Check out that expression! Classic.
We tried again.
Oh my cuteness.

I had mint hot chocolate. It was divine.
Kadin tripped. I, being insensitive, snapped a picture, while laughing.


What a cute kid. Man, I miss him. So do Anna and Mattie.I do have a very few more photos I wanna post, but I'm gonna be late for class. BYE!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Anna's lie

In the recent past, my dear daughter has been saying sort-of lies. Mostly along the lines of "Matty did it!" when I know she didn't see him do any such thing. "Did you see him?" I'll ask her. And she'll admit that she did not. And I'll tell her that's lying, even though she might be right, Matthias MAY have done it, but since she didn't see him, it's a lie. We've had some discussions about lying as a result, and I believe she understands what a lie is.

This weekend, the kids were at their dad's. On the way home, Anna said, "my daddy said Kadin doesn't like him anymore." This statement requires a ton of background -- Kadin is Anna's half brother who lives with his mom Kim (who is my favorite friend!) and Anna's dad hasn't been picking up Kadin for his weekends lately. I'm not sure of the details as to why not, but I think it's because Randy hates Kim so much. But, really, I don't know. Anyway, Anna's statement surprised me a little. I'd just spent all Saturday with Kim and Kadin and Kadin never once said he doesn't like his dad. He did tell me that his dad didn't pick him up, though, almost like he wished he had. So, I responded to Anna, "That's not true, Kadin likes Daddy. He misses Daddy."
To which my somber child responded, emotionless, "My daddy lied to me."

Huh. What do you say to that? Maybe it wasn't so much a lie as a misinterpretation on his part. I don't know. But I didn't say anything. I couldn't. If she's right, I couldn't say, "No he didn't," and make me the liar. But I also couldn't say "Yes, I'm sorry, he did." I want her to believe in her daddy. She's five. She needs to believe her dad is the best there is and that he would never do anything to hurt her.

I just can't believe she came to that conclusion like that! "My daddy lied to me." She's so smart, so observant. It's heartbreaking, her conclusion. Where's the benefit of the doubt?! She's not like me in that way, I guess. I give the benefit of the doubt even beyond doubtability.

Anyway. Let's talk about Anna's lie.

Yesterday I was putting Matthias down for a nap. I told Anna she could have some cookies and gave her a little bucket full of little cookies. When I came out of the room, most the cookies were gone already. She said "I ate them all." Okay.

Not five minutes later, as I'm cleanin the kitchen, I find about 5 cookies in the trash. I called Anna in and told her what I saw in the trash. "Didn't you tell me you ate them?" I asked her. She started crying immediately and said she was sorry, she was sorry. "What are you sorry for?" I asked her. I needed her to understand it was not the cookies in the trash that upset me, but the lie. We soon got there and she said she was sorry for lying.

Lies are a big, big deal to me. I know all kids lie at some point. But I'll not go through parenthood letting my kids think that the occasional lie is okay. Not even if it's about something so inconsequential like cookies in the trash. I didn't know what to do. Finally I decided I wanted some chocolate chip cookies, so I bought some. I told Anna since she lied about cookies, she doesn't get anymore today. She whined and apologized some more and said she won't lie again. And Matthias and I had some cookies while she didn't. I don't know if that was right though because I worry that I emphasized the cookie part and not the lie part with that punishment.

Well today, I gave her a cookie and asked her why she wasn't allowed to have one yesterday. She gave the right answer, and we talked about lying some more, and I asked her which was worse - throwing the cookies away or lying about it, and she said lying about it. I hope she understands that.

I looked at her while she was crying about it yesterday and told her I was very upset about the lie, and even though her lie disappointed me, I always love her, no matter what, and that made her cry some more. She's so sweet. :)

I wonder if it's coincidence that she lied about something the day after she realized "my daddy lied to me." Was it the power of her perception of his example which inspired her? Or was it totally unrelated?

Either way, as parents, we need to be very, very careful.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Poetry Central

It's been a while since I've written poetry. It's one of my favorite things to do. I'm no Maya Angelou, but sometimes I surprise myself. I have been writing again very recently, so I'll likely post some more in the near future. Sorry for ya.

So, today in my Conflict of the Middle East class (my least favorite, only because I have SO much reading), we had to write a poem. You might say, "???" That's what I said too. Oh well. Well, first we read a poem by Arab Mahmoud Darwish called Identity Card. Here it is (after translation):
Record !
I am an Arab
And my identity card is number fifty thousand
I have eight children
And the ninth is coming after a summer
Will you be angry?

Record !
I am an Arab
Employed with fellow workers at a quarry
I have eight children
I get them bread
Garments and books
from the rocks...
I do not supplicate charity at your doors
Nor do I belittle myself
at the footsteps of your chamber
So will you be angry?

Record !
I am an Arab
I have a name without a title
Patient in a country
Where people are enraged
My roots
Were entrenched before the birth of time
And before the opening of the eras
Before the pines, and the olive trees
And before the grass grew.

My father..
descends from the family of the plow
Not from a privileged class
And my grandfather..was a farmer
Neither well-bred, nor well-born!
Teaches me the pride of the sun
Before teaching me how to read
And my house
is like a watchman's hut
Made of branches and cane
Are you satisfied with my status?
I have a name without a title !

Record !
I am an Arab
You have stolen the orchards
of my ancestors
And the land
which I cultivated
Along with my children
And you left nothing for us
Except for these rocks..
So will the State take them
As it has been said?!

Therefore !
Record on the top of the first page:
I do not hate people
Nor do I encroach
But if I become hungry
The usurper's flesh will be my food
Beware..
Beware..
Of my hunger
And my anger!

So my professor wanted us to write a poem called Identity Card. Here's mine:

I am divorced!
My children live
In a "broken home."
I hear your silence when you learn
I am divorced.

I am mother!
My children are not broken
I am not broken
I know from them true joy,
And they learn joy from me.
I am mother.

I am Christian
The Savior of all loves me now
As He did before divorce
He wants to save me now,
and my children,
As He did then.
From His fold, I am not divorced
Praise to God-
I am Christian!

Pray, see my heart broken by God,
Not my home broken by man.

I just happen to think it's not so bad for having a ten minute time limit. :D