UGH! So there's this guy. I think he's totally perfect and I think I could never ever ever come close to deserving him, but I want to be with him anyway. I've known him for a few years. He's from Nampa, and is now attending BYU-I. He's in one of my classes, and we talk before and after each class period. And that's the extent of our relationship. But I wish it was more. I'm so attracted to his soul that his good looks don't distract me.
His family is amazing. His parents were so wonderful and helpful when Randy left. I LOVE his parents!
He's funny, very smart, very faithful in the LDS church, very gentle and kind. He asks me questions like he cares about the answers. AND I can't stop thinking about him. And it's so annoying. And he said for me to call him if I ever need a babysitter. Just out of the blue offered, like he knows what it's like to be a single mom! He's not so egocentric like a lot of guys are.
The first day I met him, I looked in his eyes and had to immediately look away because of some weird power that I felt. This was a good five years ago. I was married, happily, and he was very young. So I put that strange experience in the back of my mind. And now we're in a class together. What does it mean? Probably nothing. But possibly, hopefully, something.
If he was 30, I would totally tell him how I feel! But, as it is, he's not 30, and there's thousands of younger women who deserve him. It feels like it wouldn't be fair for him to date me. I don't think I'm that bad, but he's that good. On the other hand, I really want to be with someone better than I am because I know I would be inspired to match his goodness in such an arrangement.
Even though he's quite young, he exhibits remarkable maturity, so maybe he's looking for someone a little older? But who looks for a mom, you know? UGH!