Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The End

Had classes today. Three of them; long day. After my last class I trekked to my car and headed to work, as is my routine as of last Wednesday. I clock in and set my coat down, turn on my computer. Suzelle, who sits near me, says, "Daniella!" and I look and she holds up this paper whereupon she's written, "I'm proud of you, you still have a job." I look at her quizically. "Huh?"
"A lot of people don't," she murmured.
Suzanne approaches me and her eyes are squinty. Suzanne's my supervisor. I haven't even sat yet. I know what she's going to tell me. "Derek wants to see you in HR," she says, patting my shoulder.
Thanks to Suzelle, I knew what for. I had some time as I was descending the staircase to try to steel my heart. I walked in to see Derek. "Are you Stephanie?" he asks. I nod. "Stephanie Montano?" I nod. "Have a seat." he shuts the door of his office.
Garth is there, the company president. I doubt that he's ever noticed me before.
Derek proceeds: "As you may be aware, the company has been facing economic challenges. This morning we got the [murmur] to reduce our workforce. Blah blah, mumble mumble, sorry, blah, murmer, lalalalalalalalalalalala meeting tomorrow, burble burble, severence package, lalalalalalalalalalalala, one of 45 employees, sunsa sunsa, blahblahblah, paid for the rest of today. Any questions?"

My interpretation: You Suck. You and 45 other employees have been weighed, measured, and found wanting. We don't need you like we need the other 150 employees. To soften the blow, we'll go ahead and pay you for the rest of your scheduled shift.

Then I went to cry in the bathroom. For a long time. When I thought I was done, I went upstairs to get my coat and keys (I'm allowed to come back tomorrow for the rest of my belongings) and then my darn friends (who still have jobs!) thought it would be nice to say they're sorry and give me hugs. UGH! I wanted to scream at them to leave me alone because I JUST got done crying about it. Don't even talk to me. Talk to me tomorrow when I've had chance to reassure myself. Tomorrow I'll remember that it's all in God's hands; I'll be fine, I always am. Right now, I'm a little scared, so don't touch me. But, women will be women. And really I appreciate it, and really I'd be bummed if no one talked to me about it, but at the time, I just didn't want anyone to talk to me. So I cried some more (I can count on one hand - maybe two - the times I've cried in front of non-family). Suzanne approached me at patted my shoulder and said it wasn't about me. I wanted to replay for her what Derek told me ("You Suck," etc.). She said it was the economy. There's a new one. "It's not you, it's the economy."
I don't mean to be disrespectful to Suzanne; she's a wonderful woman and a really great supervisor. I really like her a lot and certainly don't blame her. I don't blame anyone. It's the economy, right?

Then I walked to my car with my head down and drove away. I didn't know where I was going to go. Do I pick up my kids? I didn't. Do I gather applications? I didn't. I came home to blog. I will also presently print a thousand resumes. The small town of Rexburg is right now a very competitive area for job hunting. 45 people are now looking for jobs, and they've all had since this morning. I came in later due to school. I wonder if there was a mass layoff. Probably. They probably gathered the chosen ones in the meeting room and layed them all off at once.

Guess I'll change my clothes and plaster on a smile and begin my second round in five months of job hunting in Rexburg.


Melanie said...

Ugh! I'm so glad I don't have to job hunt. Sorry you do. Again. Seriously, piano lessons.

paulandcherisvreeken said...

Stephanie... I know I'm one of the last people you want to hear from. I don't know what to say but that I love you!!! Work will not be the same. You brought so many different things to our environment each and every single day. I feel blessed that I got the chance to get to know you and hope that you know that even though everything has panned out the way it that doesn't mean I'm going away. I'm still going to be reading up on you and chatting away online. You are an amazing person and nothing that happened today had anything to do with who you are at the core. I know that doesn't make it any easier I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you. It will be full of so many more opportunities and a lot less.... stress. Keep the Lord close. I'm hear for you if and when you need me. I love you!!!!

Stephanie said...

Thanks, Cheris! Really. Means a lot. And I'm glad that you still have a job - I mean that w/o a trace of resentment!

Treasa said...

That sucks! I'm so sorry and pray that you are blessed to find another job as soon as possible.

HappyClimate said...

You are such an amazing person! I am willing to bet that you will find something even better! You know . . . you could always move to Cedar City, I would babysit for you and help you find a job and place to live, plus it's not as cold! :) Good Luck! My prayers are with you!

Ashlee Garn said...

I haven't talked to you or seen you in years, I hate to find you in such troublesome times. I'm sorry sweetie. God has a plan, he only tests the strong, so take it as a compliment :) Much love darlin! We have lots of catching up to do!

Stephanie said...

Ashlee! Thanks for reading! So... my email is if you wanna invite me to your blog. WOW! It's Ashlee Lightfoot!

Angela said...

Stephanie, I am so sorry about your job! I can't even imagine how you are feeling! Hang in there, somehow things will turn out! I wish I could say something that would help. You are in my prayers.

Stephanie said...

Angela! Oh my gosh, I have been looking for you on myspace and facebook, just yesterday even! And today you appear on my blog! HOORAY! send me an invite to yours, would ya? I miss you!!!

Laurie said...

Hey Stephanie! Wow, I haven't seen you in YEARS! I've seen Chris a few years ago lol...Craziness...I am sorry to hear about you losing your job though. That is crappy. Good luck on your job hunt. :)