Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Entering the Dating Scene

Soon, I will begin dating again. It's been 18 months since my ex left me. Really, that's not long, but he did make it awfully easy to get over him and I haven't longed to be with him in many many months. That's one reason I think I'm ready. On the other hand, the concept terrifies me. Dating. Dating is for highschool and college! I'm 27 and have two kids and am divorced. I'm fatter than I was in college (by 50 ell bees). I'm not as innocent, I'm not as naive (which is a good thing), I'm not as beautiful. I have more acne. I have stretch marks (which no one will be seeing any time soon, of course) that were acquired during pregnancies which another man and I created. I've got "marked" all over me.

On the other hand, I'm so much more mature, I'm smarter, in some ways I'm more beautiful. But I'm harder. Experience has created quite a shell. I don't even know what I have to offer anyone. I'm not bad, but I'm used. I'm old news. I've nothing new to give. I'm discouraging myself, lol.

The reason I began this blog has not even been addressed yet. Because I'm terrified that I'll ruin a potentially beautiful relationship, and because I'm terrified that I'll hang on to a destructive relationship, I want to give myself some guidelines, while I'm still thinking straight. Rules, really. Here they are. To Stephanie:

-Be yourself
-Don't ignore red flags
-but don't be constantly on guard
-Put your kids first
-Take things one step at a time
-He's not allowed in your apartment if the kids are sleeping or gone
-He's not allowed to meet the kids until a relationship is established
-Don't talk about Randy
-Don't whine about being cheated on
-DON'T PLAY THE VICTIM
-Ask lots of questions; really get to know him. If he thinks you're being nosy, find someone else.
-Don't tolerate any lie.
-Pray
-Don't worry if he isn't interested; someone else will be
-Even if no one else is, the world is not over
-Look for the good in him but don't ignore the bad
-Laugh
-Be honest

That's enough for now. What do you think? Any suggestions?
(I have a date this Saturday)

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good set of rules Stephanie. I know you are not old news. Don't talk down on yourself. Just act normal and if you don't want to eat a water crest sandwich then don't. Don't do something because you think your date will think less of you if you don't.

Auntie Lori said...

You make me cry Ronski. I love that you are so honest with your feelings. You are so much more than you give yourself credit. You are a very loving and kind woman with much to offer the world. Wow! You have so much passion. Amazing girl! I love your rules too.