Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Do You Want me to Spank You?

So I haven't really explained work much. I now work as a customer service rep at a printing warehouse here in Rexburg. They print a billion wedding invitations, and related product, for several different lines. They employ probably about a fifth of the city of Rexburg. That's probably an exaggeration, but there really are a lot a lot of employees. I, again, work in the customer service department, where I take calls from bridezillas yelling at me because their order isn't shipped yet, or because their order was incorrect, or because the sage napkins don't look sage, or because Hurricane Ike delayed the shipment of their order, etc. Heaps o' fun. Ah, it's not so bad. I work for a line called "Invitations by Dawn." It was really hard at first to say that name "Dawn" several times a day because that's the name of the woman my ex traded me for. Maybe I have written this before.... I don't know. Sorry if it's a repeat. But now I'm used to it and don't think about being cheated on every time I hear "Dawn" anymore, so it's a good thing. :)

I work with super cool people. It's a little bit of a gossip fest there at times, though, which bothers me a great deal, but only because I'm totally perfect, and I feel sorry for these sinners. (please be aware that I'm being facetious.) But, really, I don't know what the point is of negatively discussing other people's absences or other people's weight gain, or discussing someone else's "she's a nice girl but she's annoying"ness. Whatever. If she's such a nice girl, why speak negatively of her? I know they talk about me when I'm not there, too. Wonder what they say. It's mostly only two or three girls who get into the gossip but it's a drag-me-down. And they don't think other people can hear but I hear it all the time. ANYWAY. All the people I work with are still super cool, despite their imperfections. Ah, if only all people could be just like me.


Okay, so I sit near Cadee and Ben, which is fine by me. Actually, it was perfect because they're the ones I like the best so I was way glad to get my cubicle assignment. Cadee is my parents' age and I've somehow convinced her to care about me and she worries for me and it's sweet. She's way cool to talk to and I like having her perspective about various Stephanie-life issues. I highly value her opinion. Ben is the cool guy I trained with. He's smart and cute and just only 22 but sometimes I wish he was 32 and single. Because then I would try to wordlessly convince him to ask me out. :D Except if he was 32 and working for pennies at Artco, that would be a little sad maybe. Anyway, reminding myself that we're in totally different life stages and that he's Jaybo's age keeps me behaved. Hehe. He's not flawless anyway. He disagrees with homeschooling, for highschool anyway. And he likes Lord of the Rings. Sigh, we can't all be perfect.

Man, I'm high today, like high horse high. :D

So. Ben and Cadee are way cool to talk to. Next to Ben sits a woman. I'm telling a story that I don't know if she'd be comfortable with me telling so I'll disguise her identity for now and call her Linda. Linda is very, very funny. She cracks me up daily. She is one of those people who say the strangest things at the times, very random. She's funny without trying to be, like my Mom, which is the best kind of funny I think. She pokes fun at herself, which I think is pretty cool. I'd guess she's in her late 30s. I don't know how to describe her, she's just Linda. But what I'm about to tell you is funnier if you can picture who she is. Oh well.

So Linda was about to leave for the day. She has known Ben since he was a baby I think, so sometimes they talk about mutual acquaintances. Anyway, so she's standing up to leave and she goes, in all seriousness, with no trace of intentional humor,
"Ben, you've been quiet today- do you want me to spank you?"

My jaw dropped a little bit and I slowly turned to face her, while I'm turning I'm processing in my brain her words -- Did she really say that? No, no, certainly I heard that wrong. But I saw Ben's face and I was leaning toward, yeah, she really said that. Ben answered I think but I don't remember what he said because in my brain I was hysterically laughing and that's all I could hear (I don't hear voices; I hear laughter). I'm thinking all he said was something like "Uhhhh. . . ." So I shut my brain up for a minute to say, "Did you really say what I think you said?" to Linda. And she said some nonsense about something in her childhood and how she thinks spanking kids is now illegal. What? Well, spanking your kids is still within the legal ranks but I'm pretty sure spanking your coworkers is against legions of laws.

In her defense, I'm certain she meant nothing sexual by it and I'm certain she didn't mean to offend anyone. But, I tell ya, there was quite an awkward moment of severe discomfort. I was burnin in my cheeks and it wasn't even about me! What an awkward thing to say to an opposite-sex coworker! Can you imagine? Okay, reversal time. I'm sorry, but if any, ANY male coworker said that to me, I'd be freaking out. Especially if he was older. Wow. It's just one of those things you don't say at work. Linda's great for shock value. Never a dull moment with her. She's the greatest.

Oh, Linda. Work would be so boring without you.

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