Official Grades Are In!

And I thought I would be so ashamed of them that I wouldn't make this post. But here I am.

Officially:
History: B
Public Speaking: B
Lit Interpretation (ENG 251): B (at midterms, I had a D+ here, hehe...)

AND

Communications Writing (journalism, comm 111): .......this is so exciting...... A-!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe I managed to get any sort of A this semester! This was my hardest class. I learned the most from it. I loved it and I hated it but now I just love it because I got an A-! (I know and acknowledge that this is just barely over a B, but it's in the A category, okay?)

This is the class I did that big homeschooling paper for. It was a representative profile about a girl I met this semester who was homeschooled. I was very stressed about this paper and I wanted it to be perfect and I've been long waiting for the grade and I just found out that I got a 95 on it. How good it feels! Not quite perfect, but it'll do!

Yay yay yay yay!

Grades so far

Life's not so bad. If I get B's instead of A's, I'm still a blasted genius.

So far, my unofficial grades are:
Public Speaking: B
English 251: B
American History: B
Comm 111: still unknown, but likely a B.

All will be certain on Thursday.

"I'm a B student" isn't nearly as cool sounding as "I'm an A student." But, how about, "I'm a single mom of two preschoolers and I work and I live hundreds of miles away from my family and I'm in the middle of a custody battle and I'm a B student."

Heck yes.

Gracious

The thing is, I want to be smarter than everyone else. B's aren't smarter than everyone else.

Well this morning I skipped my Public Speaking final! It was awful. I lost my car key. I turned my house upsidedown searching for that key, for an hour. Nothing. So. I didn't take my final. I'll still pass the class. But the grade won't be pretty. :(

My cousin gave us rides. Took the kids to daycare and myself to campus. In about five minutes, I'll be off to take another test. I'll rejoice if I even get a B.

I want to be married. I want a traditional home where Daddy works and Mommy stays home. I want plenty of money to survive on and to share. I want to be the cute little wifey who cleans and cooks and even dusts. I want to bake bread, can, and have a garden and fruit trees. I want a husband who mows the lawn and changes lightbulbs and fixes the dryer and changes the oil and locks the door at night. I want a husband who is the head of the household, the leader, THE MAN, for whom I'll have dinner waiting. And he'll thank me for dinner. I don't want to work. I hate working. I hate leaving my kids with someone else. It feels so wrong and backward. And yet, it is my destiny.

I don't necessarily regret my current state. If I was married, I wouldn't be a fulltime student. I love being a student. I want to be "educated" and I'm grateful for this opportunity. I'm experiencing what it's like to be wholly responsible for a family. So, when (IF) I do remarry, I will appreciate my husband's role as provider that much more. I know what it's like to come home after a long day. I know the joy of kids running to see you when you walk in the door, and how wonderful it would be to be likewise greeted by a spouse. I know how great it would be to have dinner ready for me then, and a foot or back rub to ease the stress of the day. I want a man to give that to. Maybe he's somewhere learning what it's like to be a mother, and he'll appreciate me all the more for it, andhe'll give me a back or foot rub after dinner to ease the stress of a long day.

Dreams.

History test, here I come.

Finals week begins

I'm here at the campus library wondering how can I waste time? The library internet restricts facebook until 5 pm so that's out. So I blog. Believe me, you can always find a distraction, a way to not do what you should be doing.

Well I have a final today, one tomorrow, and two on Wednesday. I must study. I shall study. I will get A's on all my finals. I will succeed.

The end.

Random Nothing

Here's some things I really like:

My kids of course
My family
Being home in Nampa with my family
Nampa
Spending hours doing nothing with my best friend Kimmie
Spending hours doing something with my best friend Kimmie
Church
Notebooks
Pens
Purple Pens
Purple
Chocolate
Babies, particularly insanely cute brand new nephews called Ammon
The name Brielle
Deseret Industries
Breakfast
Deep reflection
Sunsets
Movies
Libraries
Sleep
To Kill a Mockingbird
Responsible, honest, grown-up men
High heels
Diet Pepsi
Mary Kay makeup
Making out (insofar as I can recall)
Flip Flops
School
Poetry

Naturally, this is not all-inclusive. I just wanted to take a moment to focus on me.

Progress Report

It's remarkable to me that I find time to blog when I have no time to blog. All semester, I've resisted the temptation to blog my life away. And now, when it's exceptionally crucial that I focus on my schoolwork, here I am.

Finals are next week. I just can't flippin wait. I am registered to take a class during the seven weeks between semesters, and then I'm registered for 2 classes the following semester, even though I'll be off track. I want to finish school as soon as I can. But I want a break SO bad! So I may be dropping the 7 week course.

The most amazing thing is that after next week, I'll have completed another year of school! I think this semester I won't get a single A, which is truly tragic. Seriously, it makes me want to cry. But, I'll have another year under my belt and that is SO EXCITING! Is it possible that I'm reaching my goal? Is it fathomable that I may actually graduate with a bachelor's degree??

This semester has been especially challenging. Last semester I was conveniently laid off at the beginning of the semester. So, while I was searching for employment, I was collecting unemployment and spending more time on homework than work. This semester, I've had a job. I'm grateful for it and I'm glad I'm not getting unemployment anymore, but I really don't get how people work, parent, and get good grades at the same time. It's very hard.

Not only that, but this semester I've had to hire a lawyer. That's been stressful. Randy wants more custody of the kids and I'm not cool with that. Also, I'm not okay with only sometimes getting some child support but still providing EVERYTHING for the kids, including transportation to and from Nampa for HIS visitation. That gets expensive. So I've hired a lawyer to make some changes to our original agreement and it's a long and expensive process, and certainly not conducive to focused study. Also my sister keeps getting bad news, which pulls my attention from my studies. God bless her. Also my bestie keeps getting bad news and she's stressed and so I'm stressed for her. Also Anna is supposed to go to Kindergarten next month, and I've already written about that decision process. There's just been a lot of STUFF happenin this semester and my focus has been all over the place.

Also, my kids want to eat every day so I've been forced to feed them. You know? EVERY DAY!

Kidding, of course. I've always fed them several times daily, naturally.

I've been asked to babysit a lot more than usual and I can't say no because I know what it's like to need a babysitter.

So yeah. Busy semester and I'm going to see the sad results on my grade report. My predictions:
History: B
Public Speaking: B (maybe C but I REALLY hope not)
Communications Writing: B-
Literature: C

SAD. And a little embarrassing. Someone reassure me. :D

Okay I have to go write a paper.

but this IS homework!

If I really stretch it, blogging is a part of my homework. I'm supposed to be a good writer for my major/career choice. Even in writing, practice helps. See? Totally homework.

Actually. This is a distraction. I have SO much dang homework that I can't possibly finish it. Ever. So I'm blogging instead; I can finish a post. And while I'm writing here, I have an "excuse" to avoid homework. When I'm finished, I'll have to find another distraction. Maybe I'll clean. Soon, I'll have no more excuses and I'll be forced to write my 1500 word research paper.

It's due Friday. The rough draft was due last Friday, but I got nothin. It's not the 1500 words that scare me. Shoot, I can write 1500 words in an hour. So . . . I really don't know what it is that is barring me from starting this darn paper.

Here's what it is. It's a representative profile. It's for my communications writing class. You know those feature stories you read in the Wall Street Journal or other sources? They're about a person and about an issue that the person represents. We had to pick a person that we didn't know well, find out what they represent, and write about it. We had to do interviews, tons of research, and several meetings with the person throughout the semester.

I chose this girl I work with, Elizabeth. Actually, she wasn't my first choice. The first four people I wanted to do either couldn't, wouldn't or said they would but then disappeared. So I chose Elizabeth. The issue is homeschool -- specifically adults in the world who had been homeschooled. She was homeschooled most of her school years, starting in California. I swear that wasn't planned. I've learned so dang much about homeschooling and that's why I've come to the decision I've come to about Anna. It's so weird that I spent most of my life homeschooling but didn't really know a thing about it. The more I know, the more I feel the need to implement it in my home. I totally dig Dr. Raymond Moore and Dr. Brian Ray and John Holt. Now I think it's weird that I had no idea who these people were before I started this assignment. If not for any of them, it's likely I'd have never been homeschooled. ANYWAY. It's been a very enjoyable project, but now it's at the end, and all that's left is to write the darn thing. This should be the easy part! What is happening? Writer's block like this is not traditionally my companion.

Oh, you know what else? Since this is a journalism class, we have to get all the sides. So I've looked up research about why public school is better than homeschool. Know what I've found? NOTHING. I've looked up opposing views. I can't find anything worth including in a respectable paper. There are plenty of claims that homeschool is harmful but I can't find a single study to back that up, not one. If any of you know any, hit me; I really need it for my paper. Also, I've interviewed public school teachers, thinking for sure they'd be able to tell me why public school is best for a kid. But, nope. They were all (provisionally, admittedly) supportive of homeschooling! Seriously!

The only thing against homeschooling is unproven stereotypes, insofar as I can tell.

Do you see how I'm stalling?

In other news, I went on a date the other week. First time in a year. I decided I hate dating and I'd almost rather die alone than go through the hassle.

Fourth of July was flippin' awesome. Maybe I'll post pictures. Kids and I had the best day ever ever.

OH check it out. I have a guitar. I don't know how to play the guitar. I've had it for a while but have never even tried to use it. Until yesterday. I looked up Blackbird on youtube and learned the introduction! My kids LOVE that song and they were so excited when I played it for them and I was so excited when they recognized what I was playing! Now if I could just get someone to show me some technique.

So the other day Matthias said when he grows up he wants to be "a policeman who kills bad guys with his gun. A real gun."

I swear, he makes this stuff up and it just happens to coincide with reality.

I can't stall any longer.

Is Anyone There?

Well hello. It's been a crazy semester. I have had no time to catch up on my blog (not that anyone enjoys reading all about me as much as I do). And, really, I have no time now. I have some intense assignments due soon that should have been done already. Oy. The stress. S-T-E-P-H-A-N-I-E spells "stress."

So, Anna is supposed to start Kindergarten this fall. I have been on a seesaw of decision about that. I want to homeschool my children. I WILL homeschool my children. The debate is whether or not I start now. I'm a single mom and a student myself; is homeschooling really the wise choice? I have committed to homeschooling. I have committed to sending her to Kennedy Elementary. I can't stay with one decision long because the other one always seems wiser. But, at this point, I'm leaning to homeschool again. I know this decision will be met with plenty of opposition, but, this is America, Anna is my daughter, and I get to make the choice.

Anyway. My point is. I'm totally going to start a new blog. If I stick with the choice to homeschool, I'm makin a new blog about homeschooling adventures. I think it'll be fun. Of course, I won't be the only one but it'll be fun anyway.