Happy!!!

OKAY.
So lots has happened. I'm moving home. Home to Nampa. I cannot explain the level of my excitement.
So here's what happened. I was feeling so very, very depressed. I couldn't shake it. It was embarrassing and deep and seemingly incurable. I was just walking around in this horrid depression. NOTHING was "fun" anymore. I couldn't focus on ANYTHING. One of my favorite pastimes ever is reading, and I couldn't even read a book. Sometimes I would try, just to see if I could ignite that old passion, but after a few sentences, I'd have enough. So, you can imagine what school was like.
The only thing I ever had a desire to do was sleep. Sleep was the only thing I enjoyed, the only thing I looked forward to. Okay, my kids also brought me joy. Sleep and my kids were the only things I loved. Everything in my life was suffering.
ALSO, the weather in Rexburg frustrated me every day. Every time I had to spend five minutes scraping the super-glue snow off my windshield, I would get angry. Yes, ANGRY about ice-glue on my windshield. That's so silly! Every time I saw the snow, or the temperature, I wanted to hide in my bed.
I even never wanted to blog. Remember when I used to do this all the time? Well, it just hasn't appealed to me in a long time. Writing in general, a true passion of mine, seemed uninteresting.

At any rate, I was depressed. Every month when rent was due, I had a mini-crisis. Because I almost never had the money. Somehow I always came up with it. Bills stressed me out because even with my two jobs, I simply didn't have the money (two jobs that equal fewer than 30 hours and pay less than $10/hr doesn't cut it). I hated that I wasn't making enough money to adequately support my family.
Also, I was failing most of my classes. This is so very unlike me. I don't fail. I get A's or B's. School has always been VERY important to me, but I just couldn't focus on homework. When I had to choose between sleep and class, I would choose sleep! Again, NOT LIKE ME!

So, yes, I was miserable and cold and so very depressed and feeling like the biggest failure, biggest loser (not in the good way-- in fact I gained a LOT of weight this semester) ever and feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and feeling like being not-alive would be better than the alternative.

Then I got an idea, that felt like a Divine inspiration. Move home. Get a job that pays the bills. Move home.
That idea alone gave me a spark, and my world wasn't so dark.
I explored it. Prayed. Fasted. Temple-visited. And I learned that it was time for me to go home. That decision made, I began looking for employment. That decision made, I began to see more light. That decision made, I began emerging from what I thought would be a lifetime of self-inflicted failure misery.
A friend tipped me about a job opening where he works that had fabulous benefits and okay pay, pay that would, at the very least, pay my bills! And it was in Meridian. I applied and got a phone interview right away. After the phone interview, I got a face-to-face interview. So, in the middle of March, I drove my sweet family to Nampa for the face-to-face interview.
The next day, I received a job offer from Citigroup.
Haha, it reminded me of the time when I used to get every job I interviewed for. Then I came to Rexburg and no one would hire me. And I thought my luck had run out for good. Then I decide to move to Nampa and get the first job I even apply for?? A work of God, I tell you.
I came back to Rexburg and submitted my two weeks notices to my jobs, and told everyone the good news. Some of my dear Rexburg friends threatened tears. And I am sad, so sad to be leaving this beautiful place filled with beautiful people, but that sorrow is completely swallowed up in my joy and relief of moving back to Nampa!
So I began looking for housing. The problem with that is that I have an eviction on my rental history, and lousy credit. (this is all because of the dishonesty of someone else. Long story, but please just know that I personally have never been evicted-- just technically I have.... anyway....) And I didn't know how I was going to come up with a deposit plus first month's rent and I didn't want to live with my parents. So I was praying that someone would be merciful with my credit and that I'd be able to find a deal on a deposit. I posted on Facebook that I was looking for a place to live and if anyone had any leads to let me know. An old acquaintance replied saying she was looking for a roommate. Well, with two kids, I'd never even considered the roommate route, but she has a three bedroom house that she lives in alone and she said I and the kids could have the two bedrooms she's not using and the bathroom (she has a master bedroom w/ a bathroom). The more I thought about it, and the more we talked about it, the better it sounded. Actually, it's quite perfect. I don't have to pay a deposit right away. She's not going to run my credit. And she said I can pay her the first month when I get my first paycheck. This is the best deal EVER! I saw her house on Sunday and it's very cute and plenty spacious and has a big backyard and a garage and I love it and I'm so excited.
Seems like everything is falling into place.
Oh, and I withdrew from school. It was too late in the semester to get my grades up to satisfactory. So, in order to preserve my GPA, and in order to avoid waiting for the end of the semester to get a job in Nampa (my job at Citi starts Monday!), and in order to spare myself a considerable amount of stress, I withdrew. I confess this with some shame, but confessing failed classes would be worse. I do intend to continue schooling in Nampa. I'm going to look into BYU-I's online degrees, and if that doesn't pan out, then BSU it is! Oh boy....
And so here we are. My kids are in Nampa this week with their dad for Spring break and I miss them like crazy. But it's a lot easier packing my apartment without them. Even so, I think I'd rather have them here. :(
I'm moving on Friday and I can't even wait. I just can't wait!!

OH and guess what? Tonight, I have a date. On Sunday, my neighbor asked me out. You know, the one I wrote about earlier? The divorcee who is just about perfect? It's kinda sad that I'm leaving and he's interested enough to take me out, but.... NAMPA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anna's Valentine

I got the kids little valentine presents. Anna loved hers. She had a pack of skittles that her daycare had given her. She told me, "Mom, I'm going to give this to someone I really love."
Me: Good idea! That's so sweet.
Pause.
Anna hands me the skittles. "Here you go, Mom," she said.

If that's not the sweetest thing!

More Kids Words

Anna and Matthias were vigorously singing "Do You Know the Muffin Man." This conversation ensued:
Me: Mmmm, I love muffins.
Anna: You love the muffin man?
Me: Oh yeah.
Anna: Maybe he's the one for you!

The kids were complaining about someone copying one of them. This conversation ensued:
Me: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Anna: What does that mean?
Me: It means that when someone copies you, it means they think you're the coolest. That's why Matthias copies you, Anna, because he thinks you're the coolest.
Anna: Matty, do you think I'm the coolest?
Matthias: Yeah
Me: Aaawww, see?
Anna: I think you're the coolest, Mommy!

Anna Said/Matthias Said

Anna: Mom, are we from the same world?

Matthias: Mom, when I'm a dad, will you drive me to the place to get a wife?

Matthias has a PSR worker called Carlie. She's great. She was talking to Matty about how you learn stuff as you go and get smarter as you get older. As reported by Carlie:
Carlie: like your Mom, your mom's smart, right?
Matthias: Yes
Carlie: And your dad, he's smart, right?
Matthias: Not so much.

Anna, singing a popular children's church song: Families can be together forever through Heavenly Father's plants.

Anna: Matthias, if you wanna be a gentleman, you'll get me some water.

Anna, to her babysitter who was making herself a snack: Jesus likes it when we share...

Anna: Mom, this water bottle turned to ice.
Me: yes, that's because it's so cold [we were in the car].
Anna: Maybe if I take the lid off, it will melt and turn back to water!
Me: hmm, maybe.
Anna: and then if it gets cold, it will turn back to ice.
Me: that's right!
Anna: That's reversible change!
Me: ..... !!!!!

Anna: I want to be just like you, Mom.

Matthias: Sniff my heart

Matthias: My heart is cold

Matthias, during Sacrament Meeting: If someone's mean, and then they die, they will go to hell.
Me, whispering: shh. If they say sorry, they can go to heaven.
Matthias, not whispering: But if they don't say sorry to Jesus, then they will go to hell.
Me, desperate to have him stop saying "hell" in the middle of the Sacrament: maybe! shh!
We don't talk much about hell at our house so I'm not sure where he's getting this. LOL

Revival

I just spent the entire morning reading my old entries. I should have been doing homework so I won't fail and have to pay back my grant. I should stop anticipating this.

I want to be a blogger again. I think I'm funny. So many of the things I've written, I'm very glad I've written. This will be fun for my kids to look back at.

One reason I haven't been blogging is because I have no pictures. My camera broke a while ago. :(

Allow me to tell you some of my goals. I intend to pass my classes this semester. For two of my classes, this will require nothing short of a miracle. I pray for such a miracle.

Goals for February:
-Catch up in all my classes
-Get my house clean
-Quit Pepsi
-Read scriptures morningly before anything else!!

Okay.

My kids have a new daycare provider. I think I already mentioned that I now have a new job and my shift ends at 7:00. Their daycares both closed at 6:00. So now they go to a SAHM in Sugar City. I really liked her at first but now I have concerns. We'll see how this goes.

I wish I could make money without working. I know that's oh so lazy but I just really want to be a SAHM myself. I miss the kids so much. I so deeply long to be with them all day.

The other day, I took them to an igloo. They loved it. Someone built one here in Rexburg. It's pretty cool.

Matthias will be five in less than a month. I'm very sad. In a month, I will never have a four-year-old again. He'll be five, and he is my youngest. I only have one more month to be the mother of four-year-old, and then it's gone.

Anna is six now. She's my princess but lately she's been throwing fits and being very demanding. Not sure what to do about it.

Ugh I should be doing homework. I have a science test tomorrow.

I dunno.

Well I have a new job. I work at Western Wats. Yeah. So, if you get a call from anyone saying they're calling on behalf of a market research company, or if they're calling to get your opinions, please don't hang up because it may be me! And they're usually short, interesting surveys anyway. Like the one I did yesterday. I got to call Massachusetts and ask for whom they voted for Senator and ask why did they choose that person. If I had to guess who won by the responses I received, I'd have guessed it was Coakley. But go Scott Brown, now the Senate is a little more evenly distributed with both parties. Both candidates sounded like losers to me and I'm glad I didn't have to choose one.

Okay anyway. After I got my job at Wats, DI kicked me out. :( I miss it ever so much. I made very wonderful friendships and learned a great many things, and it was truly a blessing to have been employed there.

I'm back in school. I love it. But I don't make enough money so please donate. :) My classes are CIT140 (Computer Information Technology) and I'm learning all about Excel. It's about time. Comm130 (Visual Media) and I'm using fun programs like InDesign and Photoshop, etc. I love that class so far. Book of Mormon, which, of course, rocks. Comm399 which is some strange career prep class specifically for Comm majors. And FDSCI206. Science: Light and Sound. Bleh. But this is the last science class I have to take. Thank goodness because I really don't understand equations that have to do with velocity and time and frequency.... Don't get me wrong; it's very interesting, but my brain has a hard time grasping and retaining the information. Bleh. Generally, though, I'm very excited about this semester.

The subject of my last post doesn't seem into me anymore. :( I'm sad. He had his first first date last weekend and he said he had a great time.

Anna has glasses and she looks so, so cute in them! She doesn't love them but she is doing a good job at keeping them on all day. I hope this eliminates her mysterious headaches. She's doing well in Kindergarten and almost never has homework because she finishes it all at school. She's amazing. She knows what "reversible change" is and what "alliteration" means. :)

Matthias is as cute and funny as ever. I took him on a date this morning to McDonalds and we had the best time. He impressed the old people. :)

What else? Nothing? Okay. Happy 2010!

Blogger Celebrates the Return of Stephanie

Temporary though it may be...

Right now, my children are gone. They are spending this half of Christmas break with their father. Oh, how I miss them! I get them back on Christmas Eve and I can't wait!

In other news, I just want to say:
Being invited to dinner by the man of your dreams, and then eating dinner with him, is amazing! His name is Daniel and he is, as far as I can tell, quite nearly perfect! We have many things in common. We both love music. He is the ward's choir director and I am the ward's choir accompanist. He sings phenomenally. He's everything: artist, writer, dancer, singer, mechanic, all around handyman, cook, straight-A student, very ambitious, very intelligent, funny, very much LDS, returned missionary even!, very attractive. . . .

He's really too good to be true. I'm not good enough for him. I wish I was. I could be. Anyway. He's recently divorced. His ex wife cheated on him, so we have that in common, too! It's like, extra security, you know? I mean, it seems unlikely that one who's been severely burned by adultery would commit it him/herself. I would never want anyone to experience what I did, you know? Also, he's my next door neighbor.

I've known him for maybe a year. Well, I've known WHO he IS for maybe a year. I've always been impressed with him. I love how he dresses. ;) I loved how tender and sweet he was with his wife. His wife was so very beautiful. And, he's attractive. As far as looks, I'm way out of his league!

So yesterday, after choir, he asked me if I had dinner plans. I told him no. He invited me to his house. I jumped inside but politely accepted. :) So I went over for dinner. I'd brought some icecream for dessert, but we never got to it. After about an hour and a half, he had an appointment and so we went our separate ways. He called me maybe two minutes later and told me I'd left my icecream. I agreed. ha. Then he suggested I go back to his place after his appointment to have icecream with him!!! !!!!!! Um, YES!!?!!

So I returned an hour-ish later and we enjoyed icecream and company and he was showing off his art and stuff and I decided I wanted to show off as well, so I invited him to my place so I could play my piano song for him that I wrote. He came, I played, he teared up and enthusiastically proclaimed, "Fantastic piece!"

We talked until 11:00.

I'm officially, undeniably, annoyingly, incredibly twitterpated.