Wednesday, March 31, 2010


So lots has happened. I'm moving home. Home to Nampa. I cannot explain the level of my excitement.
So here's what happened. I was feeling so very, very depressed. I couldn't shake it. It was embarrassing and deep and seemingly incurable. I was just walking around in this horrid depression. NOTHING was "fun" anymore. I couldn't focus on ANYTHING. One of my favorite pastimes ever is reading, and I couldn't even read a book. Sometimes I would try, just to see if I could ignite that old passion, but after a few sentences, I'd have enough. So, you can imagine what school was like.
The only thing I ever had a desire to do was sleep. Sleep was the only thing I enjoyed, the only thing I looked forward to. Okay, my kids also brought me joy. Sleep and my kids were the only things I loved. Everything in my life was suffering.
ALSO, the weather in Rexburg frustrated me every day. Every time I had to spend five minutes scraping the super-glue snow off my windshield, I would get angry. Yes, ANGRY about ice-glue on my windshield. That's so silly! Every time I saw the snow, or the temperature, I wanted to hide in my bed.
I even never wanted to blog. Remember when I used to do this all the time? Well, it just hasn't appealed to me in a long time. Writing in general, a true passion of mine, seemed uninteresting.

At any rate, I was depressed. Every month when rent was due, I had a mini-crisis. Because I almost never had the money. Somehow I always came up with it. Bills stressed me out because even with my two jobs, I simply didn't have the money (two jobs that equal fewer than 30 hours and pay less than $10/hr doesn't cut it). I hated that I wasn't making enough money to adequately support my family.
Also, I was failing most of my classes. This is so very unlike me. I don't fail. I get A's or B's. School has always been VERY important to me, but I just couldn't focus on homework. When I had to choose between sleep and class, I would choose sleep! Again, NOT LIKE ME!

So, yes, I was miserable and cold and so very depressed and feeling like the biggest failure, biggest loser (not in the good way-- in fact I gained a LOT of weight this semester) ever and feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and feeling like being not-alive would be better than the alternative.

Then I got an idea, that felt like a Divine inspiration. Move home. Get a job that pays the bills. Move home.
That idea alone gave me a spark, and my world wasn't so dark.
I explored it. Prayed. Fasted. Temple-visited. And I learned that it was time for me to go home. That decision made, I began looking for employment. That decision made, I began to see more light. That decision made, I began emerging from what I thought would be a lifetime of self-inflicted failure misery.
A friend tipped me about a job opening where he works that had fabulous benefits and okay pay, pay that would, at the very least, pay my bills! And it was in Meridian. I applied and got a phone interview right away. After the phone interview, I got a face-to-face interview. So, in the middle of March, I drove my sweet family to Nampa for the face-to-face interview.
The next day, I received a job offer from Citigroup.
Haha, it reminded me of the time when I used to get every job I interviewed for. Then I came to Rexburg and no one would hire me. And I thought my luck had run out for good. Then I decide to move to Nampa and get the first job I even apply for?? A work of God, I tell you.
I came back to Rexburg and submitted my two weeks notices to my jobs, and told everyone the good news. Some of my dear Rexburg friends threatened tears. And I am sad, so sad to be leaving this beautiful place filled with beautiful people, but that sorrow is completely swallowed up in my joy and relief of moving back to Nampa!
So I began looking for housing. The problem with that is that I have an eviction on my rental history, and lousy credit. (this is all because of the dishonesty of someone else. Long story, but please just know that I personally have never been evicted-- just technically I have.... anyway....) And I didn't know how I was going to come up with a deposit plus first month's rent and I didn't want to live with my parents. So I was praying that someone would be merciful with my credit and that I'd be able to find a deal on a deposit. I posted on Facebook that I was looking for a place to live and if anyone had any leads to let me know. An old acquaintance replied saying she was looking for a roommate. Well, with two kids, I'd never even considered the roommate route, but she has a three bedroom house that she lives in alone and she said I and the kids could have the two bedrooms she's not using and the bathroom (she has a master bedroom w/ a bathroom). The more I thought about it, and the more we talked about it, the better it sounded. Actually, it's quite perfect. I don't have to pay a deposit right away. She's not going to run my credit. And she said I can pay her the first month when I get my first paycheck. This is the best deal EVER! I saw her house on Sunday and it's very cute and plenty spacious and has a big backyard and a garage and I love it and I'm so excited.
Seems like everything is falling into place.
Oh, and I withdrew from school. It was too late in the semester to get my grades up to satisfactory. So, in order to preserve my GPA, and in order to avoid waiting for the end of the semester to get a job in Nampa (my job at Citi starts Monday!), and in order to spare myself a considerable amount of stress, I withdrew. I confess this with some shame, but confessing failed classes would be worse. I do intend to continue schooling in Nampa. I'm going to look into BYU-I's online degrees, and if that doesn't pan out, then BSU it is! Oh boy....
And so here we are. My kids are in Nampa this week with their dad for Spring break and I miss them like crazy. But it's a lot easier packing my apartment without them. Even so, I think I'd rather have them here. :(
I'm moving on Friday and I can't even wait. I just can't wait!!

OH and guess what? Tonight, I have a date. On Sunday, my neighbor asked me out. You know, the one I wrote about earlier? The divorcee who is just about perfect? It's kinda sad that I'm leaving and he's interested enough to take me out, but.... NAMPA!!!!!!!!!!!!


Anonymous said...

I'm happy for you guys, this will be soooo much less stressful for you. Lord knows you need a break in the stress department. He's still a weasel (even if he is behaving right now) but being closer will make things easier.
As for the date, have fun, if he's anything special for you it will work out.

(can't remember my sign in, this is Brandi :) )

Ashlee Garn said...

I am so very glad you are happy again! The Lord works in mysterious ways. And who knows, this handsome neighbor may realize that he had fallen in love with you and follow to Nampa!? Who knows? And maybe you'll find the most dashing, romantic, good caring man in Nampa! With the Lord, anything is possible!

Linnea said...

Congrats, sweetie! Life has a way of falling into place when you desperately need it to do so. Hey, with you in Nampa, there's also the chance of getting to see you at some point! My family is all in Nampa now, and we visit about once a year, so who knows? :D