Blogger Celebrates the Return of Stephanie

Temporary though it may be...

Right now, my children are gone. They are spending this half of Christmas break with their father. Oh, how I miss them! I get them back on Christmas Eve and I can't wait!

In other news, I just want to say:
Being invited to dinner by the man of your dreams, and then eating dinner with him, is amazing! His name is Daniel and he is, as far as I can tell, quite nearly perfect! We have many things in common. We both love music. He is the ward's choir director and I am the ward's choir accompanist. He sings phenomenally. He's everything: artist, writer, dancer, singer, mechanic, all around handyman, cook, straight-A student, very ambitious, very intelligent, funny, very much LDS, returned missionary even!, very attractive. . . .

He's really too good to be true. I'm not good enough for him. I wish I was. I could be. Anyway. He's recently divorced. His ex wife cheated on him, so we have that in common, too! It's like, extra security, you know? I mean, it seems unlikely that one who's been severely burned by adultery would commit it him/herself. I would never want anyone to experience what I did, you know? Also, he's my next door neighbor.

I've known him for maybe a year. Well, I've known WHO he IS for maybe a year. I've always been impressed with him. I love how he dresses. ;) I loved how tender and sweet he was with his wife. His wife was so very beautiful. And, he's attractive. As far as looks, I'm way out of his league!

So yesterday, after choir, he asked me if I had dinner plans. I told him no. He invited me to his house. I jumped inside but politely accepted. :) So I went over for dinner. I'd brought some icecream for dessert, but we never got to it. After about an hour and a half, he had an appointment and so we went our separate ways. He called me maybe two minutes later and told me I'd left my icecream. I agreed. ha. Then he suggested I go back to his place after his appointment to have icecream with him!!! !!!!!! Um, YES!!?!!

So I returned an hour-ish later and we enjoyed icecream and company and he was showing off his art and stuff and I decided I wanted to show off as well, so I invited him to my place so I could play my piano song for him that I wrote. He came, I played, he teared up and enthusiastically proclaimed, "Fantastic piece!"

We talked until 11:00.

I'm officially, undeniably, annoyingly, incredibly twitterpated.

My Favorite Me Poem

I love to write poetry. I think my favorite one that I've written is this:

Consider the Lilies

My essence was boxed
And buried beneath molded love,
Mildewed affection
And a desert of coal that he told me was diamonds.
Jealous, I was, of the caged bird*
For whom oxygen
Is abundant.

Then I walked by the lilies -- $3.98 a pot --
And smiled for the first time.
Oh, sweet lilies! Oh, gift from God!
Your redolence whispers preludes to freedom.

Official Grades Are In!

And I thought I would be so ashamed of them that I wouldn't make this post. But here I am.

Officially:
History: B
Public Speaking: B
Lit Interpretation (ENG 251): B (at midterms, I had a D+ here, hehe...)

AND

Communications Writing (journalism, comm 111): .......this is so exciting...... A-!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe I managed to get any sort of A this semester! This was my hardest class. I learned the most from it. I loved it and I hated it but now I just love it because I got an A-! (I know and acknowledge that this is just barely over a B, but it's in the A category, okay?)

This is the class I did that big homeschooling paper for. It was a representative profile about a girl I met this semester who was homeschooled. I was very stressed about this paper and I wanted it to be perfect and I've been long waiting for the grade and I just found out that I got a 95 on it. How good it feels! Not quite perfect, but it'll do!

Yay yay yay yay!

Grades so far

Life's not so bad. If I get B's instead of A's, I'm still a blasted genius.

So far, my unofficial grades are:
Public Speaking: B
English 251: B
American History: B
Comm 111: still unknown, but likely a B.

All will be certain on Thursday.

"I'm a B student" isn't nearly as cool sounding as "I'm an A student." But, how about, "I'm a single mom of two preschoolers and I work and I live hundreds of miles away from my family and I'm in the middle of a custody battle and I'm a B student."

Heck yes.

Gracious

The thing is, I want to be smarter than everyone else. B's aren't smarter than everyone else.

Well this morning I skipped my Public Speaking final! It was awful. I lost my car key. I turned my house upsidedown searching for that key, for an hour. Nothing. So. I didn't take my final. I'll still pass the class. But the grade won't be pretty. :(

My cousin gave us rides. Took the kids to daycare and myself to campus. In about five minutes, I'll be off to take another test. I'll rejoice if I even get a B.

I want to be married. I want a traditional home where Daddy works and Mommy stays home. I want plenty of money to survive on and to share. I want to be the cute little wifey who cleans and cooks and even dusts. I want to bake bread, can, and have a garden and fruit trees. I want a husband who mows the lawn and changes lightbulbs and fixes the dryer and changes the oil and locks the door at night. I want a husband who is the head of the household, the leader, THE MAN, for whom I'll have dinner waiting. And he'll thank me for dinner. I don't want to work. I hate working. I hate leaving my kids with someone else. It feels so wrong and backward. And yet, it is my destiny.

I don't necessarily regret my current state. If I was married, I wouldn't be a fulltime student. I love being a student. I want to be "educated" and I'm grateful for this opportunity. I'm experiencing what it's like to be wholly responsible for a family. So, when (IF) I do remarry, I will appreciate my husband's role as provider that much more. I know what it's like to come home after a long day. I know the joy of kids running to see you when you walk in the door, and how wonderful it would be to be likewise greeted by a spouse. I know how great it would be to have dinner ready for me then, and a foot or back rub to ease the stress of the day. I want a man to give that to. Maybe he's somewhere learning what it's like to be a mother, and he'll appreciate me all the more for it, andhe'll give me a back or foot rub after dinner to ease the stress of a long day.

Dreams.

History test, here I come.

Finals week begins

I'm here at the campus library wondering how can I waste time? The library internet restricts facebook until 5 pm so that's out. So I blog. Believe me, you can always find a distraction, a way to not do what you should be doing.

Well I have a final today, one tomorrow, and two on Wednesday. I must study. I shall study. I will get A's on all my finals. I will succeed.

The end.

Random Nothing

Here's some things I really like:

My kids of course
My family
Being home in Nampa with my family
Nampa
Spending hours doing nothing with my best friend Kimmie
Spending hours doing something with my best friend Kimmie
Church
Notebooks
Pens
Purple Pens
Purple
Chocolate
Babies, particularly insanely cute brand new nephews called Ammon
The name Brielle
Deseret Industries
Breakfast
Deep reflection
Sunsets
Movies
Libraries
Sleep
To Kill a Mockingbird
Responsible, honest, grown-up men
High heels
Diet Pepsi
Mary Kay makeup
Making out (insofar as I can recall)
Flip Flops
School
Poetry

Naturally, this is not all-inclusive. I just wanted to take a moment to focus on me.