Have I really not posted since before I moved? Crazy!
Well I have my own house now. I love it. Except that I haven't unpacked yet, and my house is a mess all the time.
Which is most important:
Adding to my meager food storage
Teaching my kids how to work
(learning how to work)
Putting away money for the future
Cleaning my house
Getting my oil changed
Spending more time with the kids and less on the computer
Stopping destructive habits
Serving my neighbor
Learning to control my impulses
Keeping my job by not staying home with my sick kids
Keeping my house clean if/when it ever gets there
Paying my bills
Doing visiting teaching
Having family scripture study
Teaching my kids about Jesus
Being a missionary
Quitting Pepsi
Putting together a 72 hour kit for my kids and me
Deeper study of the scriptures
More meaningful prayer
Eating healthy foods
exercising
forgiving those who've wronged me
Going to the Temple?
I keep having things to add but I'm going to make myself stop there because it's already making me hyperventilate. All those things are important to me, very important to me, and I wish they were a part of who I am but I fail at every one of those things. And I need to do every one of those things. And I need to do them all right now because now is the time to prepare to meet God and if the world is ending and Japan happens in Idaho, I'm going to die and so will my kids because I dont' have a food storage and I don't have a savings and I don't know how to work and my kids don't either and we're all freaking lazy and it's all because of me and we don't know how to be spiritually guarded because we don't have FHE or family scriptures and my car, if it survives, won't be much good because it needs an oil change, and no one can stay at my house if it stands because it's too messy and I don't have enough food to feed them and I'll still want to impulsively do all the things I impulsively do and I won't be able to so i'll be miserable and my kids will be too because they haven't been taught what's really important. And the people I am supposed to visit teach won't trust me and maybe they'll die because of me and I'm going to starve not only because I own't have anything stored but because I am so used to eating whatever I want whenever I want and that's why my blood pressure's a little high and my back hurts and I can't walk or run very far and anyways if I do die I haven't done any of the commandments and I can't do all that list today.
Even though I'm not doing any of the things on that list, it just feels like I'm doing the very best I can. But what am I doing? I don't even know. Nothing, probably.
That is all.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Why I Hate Twilight
Knowing that I let (force, maybe?) my opinion of Twilight be heard at any opportunity, I'm surprised I haven't written here about it. Let it now be forever a constellation in cyber space.
First of all, I feel the need to explain that I have read every book in Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. Therefore, no one can tell me "you can't knock it unless you've read it." I have. I have earned the right to do what I'm about to do. It's like, you can't complain about a president if you stayed home on voting day. You can't complain about a book you've never read. But, again, I read them all.
It all started at Artco, where I worked a few years ago. I had heard of the series but it never really interested me. But every last woman and some men on my team had read the novels. All the women raved and ranted, oh it's so good, it's the best ever ever, you're not cool unless you read it. My friend Ben said it's crap. He read it and he hated it. But he was the one voice among many, many of whom were my trusted friends. So I gave in.
Twilight started out a little dull. But it picked up and the story was fascinating. A family of vampires living in the normal world! Who don't eat people! Fascinating. It got me curious. I was able to look past the heroin's unlikeable-ness, and the wasted words (seriously, the book could have been tremendously condensed by omitting meaningless pages). I was intrigued by the story. Stephenie Meyer started off with a very creative idea. The premise was fascinating. The book wasn't worth the raves it received, but, certainly, it was fascinating.
I should have stopped there.
But then I wouldn't have the right to say what I'm about to say.
First of all, let's talk about Bella. Bella has nothing going for her. She's not all that pretty, she's not all that smart, she's not all that friendly, she's not noble or compassionate or witty or sweet or anything! She's also not evil. She is the flattest character I've ever encountered. Even fans will agree that Bella doesn't have a lot to offer. So why does Edward fall in love with her? I'll come to that.
Now let's talk about Edward. Edward is worshiped by teen girls the world over. This frightens me. Who is Edward, really? He's a vampire, we know that. He's a hundred and something years old, we know that. He catches Bella's attention, we know that. He's good looking. And that is the only thing he has going for him. Is that really why all the girls love him? Because he's hot? Have we really come to that?
Edward is abusive. Go back and read and you'll find many instances where Edward leaves bruises on Bella. I've pointed this out to fans and, inevitably, the fans make excuses for Edward. "He doesn't know his own strength!" they say. To that, I say, So What? Why does that make it okay? He's had all this time to figure out his own strength, why hasn't he? And why, when Bella got hurt the first time he left his mark, didn't he stop? He is abusive. Twilight makes this okay. She makes it okay for girls and women who are in abusive relationships to justify it. Because Edward is abusive, but he's also admired and loved, so it must not be that big of a deal.
Edward is angry. So, so, so angry. He manipulates Bella (probably due to her weak mind). He yells. He freaks out. He's just an angry vampire. To this one may respond "Well wouldn't you be if you were in his shoes?" YES! Yes, I would be! And that would make me unworthy of worship!
Edward is spineless. He was totally okay with Bella cuddling up in a sleeping bag with his nearly nude arch rival. He watched it! And when Bella told him she made out with Jacob (and this was when Bella and Edward were engaged!), he didn't even care. That is BS! Who of us really really want a man who is okay with us making out with other dudes? That's NOT OKAY!!! Twilight makes it okay. Bella pays no consequences for her pre-adultery behavior. She gets whatever she wants and pays no consequences for it. Why wouldn't Edward be jealous? Because he doesn't really care about Bella. And why should he? Again, she has nothing to offer. They're perfect for each other.
Some say well Bella was about to die in that cold mountain and Jacob was the only thing warm around. So he had to warm her up by getting almost naked and climbing in the sleeping bag with her. Um, doesn't Edward run really fast? Couldn't he have flown Bella down the mountain to somewhere safe and warm and run back and missed nothing? Or, better yet, Meyer could have written a different scene where Bella was in peril that didn't require her fiance's rival to get in the sleeping bag with her.
Edward is a liar!! How many times did he lie to Bella? But, it's okay, because he was just trying to protect her. NOT. It is NOT okay to lie in a romantic relationship!
Edward is also a pedophile. He's over a hundred years old when he falls for a 17 year old. I don't care if he looks young, that's still gross.
I really like Alice and Jasper and Carlisle and Esme.
So now that we understand that Edward and Bella are characters devoid of morals, of honor, of true love, and of any sort of depth, we understand their attraction to each other. Birds of a feather.... What I don't understand is how their relationship is so envied and worshiped.
Bella tries to commit suicide. She, again, pays no consequences, and therefore shows the world that it's okay to attempt suicide when you're in love. She hates herself. She totally depends on Edward for emotional stability. This is the exact thing we should be teaching our girls NOT to do. Don't depend on anyone else for your happiness! But.... Twilight says it's okay. And desirable.
Twilight is a feminist's worst nightmare.
Remember the time when Bella tries to seduce Edward? I have actually heard the argument that because of this scene, the book has morality, has LDS values. What? When is seduction okay in the LDS church? In marriage. If it's your spouse you're seducing. When is it okay to talk to others about your bedroom life in LDS culture? NEVER. To display that part of one's life is a mockery, a mockery of sex and what it means, a mockery of marriage even. But that's a different post. Anyway, Bella is trying to convince Edward to sleep with her on the bed and he says no, refuses, and this is why some people say it has LDS values. They do wait till their wedding to have sex, and this is why people say it has LDS values. But, again, their honeymoon is displayed to the world. So. You can't really choose that one time when Edward makes a moral decision and say the series has good Christian values.
Remember how after they get married Jacob comes over all the time and cuddles with Bella on the couch and holds her hand and stuff? How is this justified? (oh yeah, it's justified because Bella is pregnant with Jacob's one true love- more pedophilia! EW!) Edward is there- is that how it's justified? Edward is okay with it- is that justification? Again, if I'm married, and I'm cuddling with some guy on the couch in my home and my husband catches me, and has no negative response whatsoever, I'm going to be convinced he's not in love with me. Either that, or he has no self esteem whatsoever, no self respect. And that's not cool.
Remember Breaking Dawn? What a waste of a book. The ENTIRE book is preparing for a big bad battle between the good vamps and the bad vamps. You're all sorts of pumped up after 500 pages of battle preparation. This gonna be a good battle, you think. But no. There wasn't one. Everything is happily ever after. What a huge let down. I remember once Dad said we're going to Lagoon on Thursday. We were so excited all week, got all ready, Mom even bought me a new pair of sun glasses. I was sooo pumped. We got in the car and drove from our home in Bennion, Ut to Lagoon in Farmington, Ut, which is about a 30 minute drive or so. We got there and it was closed. Oh, I was so disappointed. I was so let down. That's what Breaking Dawn did to me.
Twilight is not allowed in my house. I will encourage my children to never read it in their youth, because children are so impressionable and so are youth. Yeah, they can tell the difference between real and not real, but everything we take in is woven in our subconsciousness, and when you're so young, it's easy to melt that into what's real. And it's easy to think that somewhere in the back of your mind you remember a time when someone somewhere tried to kill herself because she was in love, and that was okay. And you remember that someone somewhere made out with another guy while engaged to someone else and it was okay. These don't come out as full thoughts, but as wordless impressions. And if my kids choose to read it, it won't be in my home, and it will be after a discussion of what is real and what is not, and that consequences do come with choices. And that Bella is the only person in all the world, even in the world of fiction, who doesn't have to pay for her sins in some way.
I can't even say "at least it's well written." It's not well written. It's not poorly written. Well, not very. It is filled with a bunch of meaningless adjectives and meaningless pages. But, for the most part, I wasn't distracted by poor writing. But I wasn't impressed either.
And with that I close mine epistle.
First of all, I feel the need to explain that I have read every book in Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. Therefore, no one can tell me "you can't knock it unless you've read it." I have. I have earned the right to do what I'm about to do. It's like, you can't complain about a president if you stayed home on voting day. You can't complain about a book you've never read. But, again, I read them all.
It all started at Artco, where I worked a few years ago. I had heard of the series but it never really interested me. But every last woman and some men on my team had read the novels. All the women raved and ranted, oh it's so good, it's the best ever ever, you're not cool unless you read it. My friend Ben said it's crap. He read it and he hated it. But he was the one voice among many, many of whom were my trusted friends. So I gave in.
Twilight started out a little dull. But it picked up and the story was fascinating. A family of vampires living in the normal world! Who don't eat people! Fascinating. It got me curious. I was able to look past the heroin's unlikeable-ness, and the wasted words (seriously, the book could have been tremendously condensed by omitting meaningless pages). I was intrigued by the story. Stephenie Meyer started off with a very creative idea. The premise was fascinating. The book wasn't worth the raves it received, but, certainly, it was fascinating.
I should have stopped there.
But then I wouldn't have the right to say what I'm about to say.
First of all, let's talk about Bella. Bella has nothing going for her. She's not all that pretty, she's not all that smart, she's not all that friendly, she's not noble or compassionate or witty or sweet or anything! She's also not evil. She is the flattest character I've ever encountered. Even fans will agree that Bella doesn't have a lot to offer. So why does Edward fall in love with her? I'll come to that.
Now let's talk about Edward. Edward is worshiped by teen girls the world over. This frightens me. Who is Edward, really? He's a vampire, we know that. He's a hundred and something years old, we know that. He catches Bella's attention, we know that. He's good looking. And that is the only thing he has going for him. Is that really why all the girls love him? Because he's hot? Have we really come to that?
Edward is abusive. Go back and read and you'll find many instances where Edward leaves bruises on Bella. I've pointed this out to fans and, inevitably, the fans make excuses for Edward. "He doesn't know his own strength!" they say. To that, I say, So What? Why does that make it okay? He's had all this time to figure out his own strength, why hasn't he? And why, when Bella got hurt the first time he left his mark, didn't he stop? He is abusive. Twilight makes this okay. She makes it okay for girls and women who are in abusive relationships to justify it. Because Edward is abusive, but he's also admired and loved, so it must not be that big of a deal.
Edward is angry. So, so, so angry. He manipulates Bella (probably due to her weak mind). He yells. He freaks out. He's just an angry vampire. To this one may respond "Well wouldn't you be if you were in his shoes?" YES! Yes, I would be! And that would make me unworthy of worship!
Edward is spineless. He was totally okay with Bella cuddling up in a sleeping bag with his nearly nude arch rival. He watched it! And when Bella told him she made out with Jacob (and this was when Bella and Edward were engaged!), he didn't even care. That is BS! Who of us really really want a man who is okay with us making out with other dudes? That's NOT OKAY!!! Twilight makes it okay. Bella pays no consequences for her pre-adultery behavior. She gets whatever she wants and pays no consequences for it. Why wouldn't Edward be jealous? Because he doesn't really care about Bella. And why should he? Again, she has nothing to offer. They're perfect for each other.
Some say well Bella was about to die in that cold mountain and Jacob was the only thing warm around. So he had to warm her up by getting almost naked and climbing in the sleeping bag with her. Um, doesn't Edward run really fast? Couldn't he have flown Bella down the mountain to somewhere safe and warm and run back and missed nothing? Or, better yet, Meyer could have written a different scene where Bella was in peril that didn't require her fiance's rival to get in the sleeping bag with her.
Edward is a liar!! How many times did he lie to Bella? But, it's okay, because he was just trying to protect her. NOT. It is NOT okay to lie in a romantic relationship!
Edward is also a pedophile. He's over a hundred years old when he falls for a 17 year old. I don't care if he looks young, that's still gross.
I really like Alice and Jasper and Carlisle and Esme.
So now that we understand that Edward and Bella are characters devoid of morals, of honor, of true love, and of any sort of depth, we understand their attraction to each other. Birds of a feather.... What I don't understand is how their relationship is so envied and worshiped.
Bella tries to commit suicide. She, again, pays no consequences, and therefore shows the world that it's okay to attempt suicide when you're in love. She hates herself. She totally depends on Edward for emotional stability. This is the exact thing we should be teaching our girls NOT to do. Don't depend on anyone else for your happiness! But.... Twilight says it's okay. And desirable.
Twilight is a feminist's worst nightmare.
Remember the time when Bella tries to seduce Edward? I have actually heard the argument that because of this scene, the book has morality, has LDS values. What? When is seduction okay in the LDS church? In marriage. If it's your spouse you're seducing. When is it okay to talk to others about your bedroom life in LDS culture? NEVER. To display that part of one's life is a mockery, a mockery of sex and what it means, a mockery of marriage even. But that's a different post. Anyway, Bella is trying to convince Edward to sleep with her on the bed and he says no, refuses, and this is why some people say it has LDS values. They do wait till their wedding to have sex, and this is why people say it has LDS values. But, again, their honeymoon is displayed to the world. So. You can't really choose that one time when Edward makes a moral decision and say the series has good Christian values.
Remember how after they get married Jacob comes over all the time and cuddles with Bella on the couch and holds her hand and stuff? How is this justified? (oh yeah, it's justified because Bella is pregnant with Jacob's one true love- more pedophilia! EW!) Edward is there- is that how it's justified? Edward is okay with it- is that justification? Again, if I'm married, and I'm cuddling with some guy on the couch in my home and my husband catches me, and has no negative response whatsoever, I'm going to be convinced he's not in love with me. Either that, or he has no self esteem whatsoever, no self respect. And that's not cool.
Remember Breaking Dawn? What a waste of a book. The ENTIRE book is preparing for a big bad battle between the good vamps and the bad vamps. You're all sorts of pumped up after 500 pages of battle preparation. This gonna be a good battle, you think. But no. There wasn't one. Everything is happily ever after. What a huge let down. I remember once Dad said we're going to Lagoon on Thursday. We were so excited all week, got all ready, Mom even bought me a new pair of sun glasses. I was sooo pumped. We got in the car and drove from our home in Bennion, Ut to Lagoon in Farmington, Ut, which is about a 30 minute drive or so. We got there and it was closed. Oh, I was so disappointed. I was so let down. That's what Breaking Dawn did to me.
Twilight is not allowed in my house. I will encourage my children to never read it in their youth, because children are so impressionable and so are youth. Yeah, they can tell the difference between real and not real, but everything we take in is woven in our subconsciousness, and when you're so young, it's easy to melt that into what's real. And it's easy to think that somewhere in the back of your mind you remember a time when someone somewhere tried to kill herself because she was in love, and that was okay. And you remember that someone somewhere made out with another guy while engaged to someone else and it was okay. These don't come out as full thoughts, but as wordless impressions. And if my kids choose to read it, it won't be in my home, and it will be after a discussion of what is real and what is not, and that consequences do come with choices. And that Bella is the only person in all the world, even in the world of fiction, who doesn't have to pay for her sins in some way.
I can't even say "at least it's well written." It's not well written. It's not poorly written. Well, not very. It is filled with a bunch of meaningless adjectives and meaningless pages. But, for the most part, I wasn't distracted by poor writing. But I wasn't impressed either.
And with that I close mine epistle.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Post Script
Lately, friends, I have felt like I'm on top of the world. There are many reasons for this. I feel like everything is going my way. I feel like there is finally some order in my life. I feel loved and important for the first time that I can remember. I didn't even realize I felt unimportant until last year or so. But God thinks I'm important. Important enough to save. So. I am.
Things are going better with my family. I'm lighter. Remember how depressed I used to be? I was so depressed! I was so down! I was on anti-depressants for crying out loud! By the way, I will never again question the usefulness of such medication. For the short time I was on citalopram, I was able to focus on stuff that wasn't super dark. I won't even tell you how dark. The meds got me to a point where I realized I'd rather be happy than sad. And so I was able to make better choices.
Anyway. I look back and I can scarcely believe that girl and me are the same person. The difference between now and then is stark to say the least! It wasn't even that long ago. I was still taking the drugs when I moved back to Nampa.
I've been trying very hard to saturate myself with the Spirit of God. It has been a long and difficult process. Difficult because change is difficult. But, my goodness, FOR WHAT WAS I WAITING? I feel so great. There are still so many things dragging me down, so many opportunities for me to hide beneath a mask of constant despair. And sometimes, I'm tempted to go there again. I can't identify why that is. Sometimes, I visit that place briefly. But I hate it there now and I never stay long. I feel like I'm still just outside, though, like my journey of happiness has just begun, and there is so much more ahead of me.
I was talking to my sister about my change of attitude. It was strange, I told her. I didn't understand why I felt this way, why do I feel so good? I have wondered if maybe I'm bipolar, because it seems like a cycle, like I was so very very down for so very very long, and it feels like I've been slowly cycling out of that period. Kinda like: down, down, down, down, UP, down, down, down, UP, down, down UP, UP, down, UP, UP, UP, down, UP! get it? So I thought maybe I was coming out of a depressive state and moving to a manic one. I was telling Melanie how odd it is that I feel so great, but if I was manic, then wouldn't I be more impulsive? Wouldn't I have a hard time sleeping? So while I'm trying to diagnose my strange good feelings, Melanie says, "or maybe you're just happy."
Oh.
You think? Yeah! Yeah, that's it! I'm not sick, I'm just happy! I LOVE BEING HAPPY!
Things are going better with my family. I'm lighter. Remember how depressed I used to be? I was so depressed! I was so down! I was on anti-depressants for crying out loud! By the way, I will never again question the usefulness of such medication. For the short time I was on citalopram, I was able to focus on stuff that wasn't super dark. I won't even tell you how dark. The meds got me to a point where I realized I'd rather be happy than sad. And so I was able to make better choices.
Anyway. I look back and I can scarcely believe that girl and me are the same person. The difference between now and then is stark to say the least! It wasn't even that long ago. I was still taking the drugs when I moved back to Nampa.
I've been trying very hard to saturate myself with the Spirit of God. It has been a long and difficult process. Difficult because change is difficult. But, my goodness, FOR WHAT WAS I WAITING? I feel so great. There are still so many things dragging me down, so many opportunities for me to hide beneath a mask of constant despair. And sometimes, I'm tempted to go there again. I can't identify why that is. Sometimes, I visit that place briefly. But I hate it there now and I never stay long. I feel like I'm still just outside, though, like my journey of happiness has just begun, and there is so much more ahead of me.
I was talking to my sister about my change of attitude. It was strange, I told her. I didn't understand why I felt this way, why do I feel so good? I have wondered if maybe I'm bipolar, because it seems like a cycle, like I was so very very down for so very very long, and it feels like I've been slowly cycling out of that period. Kinda like: down, down, down, down, UP, down, down, down, UP, down, down UP, UP, down, UP, UP, UP, down, UP! get it? So I thought maybe I was coming out of a depressive state and moving to a manic one. I was telling Melanie how odd it is that I feel so great, but if I was manic, then wouldn't I be more impulsive? Wouldn't I have a hard time sleeping? So while I'm trying to diagnose my strange good feelings, Melanie says, "or maybe you're just happy."
Oh.
You think? Yeah! Yeah, that's it! I'm not sick, I'm just happy! I LOVE BEING HAPPY!
The Next Day
Wow. I'm exhausted. Good thing I'd taken today off already. Of course, I had planned to use it to move. But, good things happened today. First of all, I went to the temple this morning, and that really set the tone for the rest of the day. After that, I was able to gather a significant amount of circumstantial evidence that I did not live with my ex when he got evicted. This took almost the entire day. I just finished putting everything together to send off to my lender.
I have come to accept that I am liable for the debt. Also, it's not $3000. I was rounding up, but I didn't realize I was rounding up from $2550. That's still a lot, but I started feeling like a liar. So what I owe is $2550. And anyway, I realize now that legally, this is my responsibility. So I probably will end up paying it. Slowly. I just wish someone for once would hold my ex responsible for something. I should just leave that to God.
My lender suggested I write an explanation letter. Did you know there are examples of such letters online? I typed "explanation letter" in Google and Google told me all about FHA loan explanation letters! Sweet. So I had a good launch pad there. And I think my letter rocks. And if I were an underwriter and I read my letter, I'd give me a loan. And a bar of chocolate.
I think I'm winning again. :D
I have come to accept that I am liable for the debt. Also, it's not $3000. I was rounding up, but I didn't realize I was rounding up from $2550. That's still a lot, but I started feeling like a liar. So what I owe is $2550. And anyway, I realize now that legally, this is my responsibility. So I probably will end up paying it. Slowly. I just wish someone for once would hold my ex responsible for something. I should just leave that to God.
My lender suggested I write an explanation letter. Did you know there are examples of such letters online? I typed "explanation letter" in Google and Google told me all about FHA loan explanation letters! Sweet. So I had a good launch pad there. And I think my letter rocks. And if I were an underwriter and I read my letter, I'd give me a loan. And a bar of chocolate.
I think I'm winning again. :D
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
My Day
I got out of bed at 5:47 like I usually do. Incidentally, this is too late. I'm always so close to being late to work. And my boss freaks out if I clock in at 7:31. But that's another post. I then read from my scriptures, which was, as usual, an empowering experience. Then I got the kids up, got them ready, ate breakfast, got ready myself, and left the house at 6:47 or so. Which is too late. I need to be out of here by 6:30.
Then I dropped the kids off at my brother's house and headed to work. The freeway was particularly frustrating today. The speed limit is 55 due to construction, but usually in the morning people go faster by at least 5. And usually I can smoothly squeeze past the people who insist on being law abiding drivers. And then the construction ends and it's 65 and usually people speed up to 75 or so. Well, this morning, there was a huge memo written across the sky that I missed that said "Stephanie's late. EVERYONE go REALLY slow." And they all did. And they all conspired against me so I could pass no one. I mean, people were going 45 mph and grouping together in a way that I had no choice but to be at their mercy. Hmph.
Miraculously, I made it to work on time.
Well, backing up to last Friday, my Realtor and I did a walk thru at the house I'm buying to check up on all the stuff the sellers said they would fix based on the inspection. That was fun. I still love that house ever so much. So all last week I'd been trying to get a hold of my lender but he wasn't really returning my calls or emails. So Friday I told my Realtor, Abraham, about my troubles and he whipped out his cell and dialed Andy (lender) and got him on the line right away and gave me the phone. Andy told me he still needs documentation showing my child support modification. What? Really? Okay thanks for telling me.
Okay, back to today. Every week, people yell and scream at me on the phone. Sometimes they call me names. Sometimes they cuss. I take it because I know it's not about me. Ever. I'm very calm on the phone. I'm the collections agent you hope you get when you call about a late bill. I'm respectful and understanding. Even when the client is yelling. Often, they'll end up apologizing and thanking me for letting them vent. I don't mind these calls. Other agents get worked up. Not me. But today, I got one that shook me up. Actually, it made me cry. It was an old woman who had never been late but the past 2 months. Her story is this: She and her husband wanted to sell their condo. A company contacted them and told them they would help sell the condo. They called the woman one day and said they think they had a buyer, and they needed $1000 to help the sell go through. She gave them $1000 on her credit card and never heard from them again. No buyer. No company. She calls their number and it's disconnected. She totally got scammed, but since she authorized the $1000 charge, we can't do a thing about it. I suggested she call the police. I'm so worried for her. She doesn't have the money to pay it. She's supporting another family member and their income is so small. My heart broke. How unfair! How cruel! Why are people so cruel? That lady had perfect credit until this mess. NOT HER FAULT. But she's liable. Injustice infuriates me.
So today, on my first break at work, I called the courthouse because I'd been unable to locate these documents. Here's a summary of the conversation:
"Is there any way I can get a copy of my child support court documents?" I ask the lady
"Yes, what's your name?"
I tell her all the info she needs.
"Okay," she says, "I found your file, now what do you need?"
"There should be two modifications. One was for visitation and one was for child support. They're separate. I need the child support one."
"Okay, so I'm finding two--"
"Yes, there should be two. I need the one about child support."
"Okay I'll have to call you back, I'm helping someone else."
On my lunch break, I listened to her voicemail on my phone. She said she found it and it's fifteen pages long. It's a dollar a page and please call her back to let her know if I want a copy of it. First, I called my lender to get an idea of what kind of timeframe I'm looking at for move-in if I can get the child support papers to him tomorrow. No answer, so I left a message. I got off work early today and saw that Andy had left me a voicemail. "Give me a call," it said. "We need to go over some things."
I now summarize our conversation in its simplest (perhaps somewhat fictionalized) form:
"Hi, Andy, got your message, what's up?"
"Remember when you first came into my office and told me about your ex's eviction and back rent on your credit score and I said it shouldn't be a problem?"
"Yeah."
"It's a problem. The underwriters came back with some concerns about it even though I explained the situation. They want to see it paid off."
" ."
"Either that or they want to see proof that you're not liable, that you weren't living there anymore when he stopped paying rent."
"Um."
"Yeah, your life sucks. You're probably not getting this loan unless you pay this collections bill. This is why I've been avoiding you for so long. Good luck with life. I'll probably never see you again."
"Okay bye."
"Bye."
I don't have an extra $3000. I simply don't. And I can't pay it. It's been sitting there on my credit scores for the past 3 years. I disputed it immediately when I first got wind of it. The credit bureaus said I'm liable since I was on the lease, regardless of the fact that I did everything in my power to get off it, and understood that I was, in fact, off the lease. I can't pay it. Furthermore, it's not my fault. I won't pay it. All I can do now is gather as much information as possible to "prove" that I wasn't there and then pray for a miracle.
I figured I'd stop by the courthouse in Caldwell before heading back to Nampa. I called Tiffany back. Here's our conversation:
"I got your message. Fifteen dollars is fine. Just make sure it's the one about child support."
"Okay, now, I just want to make sure. You have two documents-
"About child support?"
"Yes. One of them- nothing's been done with it since 2007."
"Okay, I need the one that was finished in January of 2010."
"January 26th?"
"Probably. The one for child support. Not the one modifying visitation."
"Okay, it's like I said, fifteen dollars plus a dollar to certify it."
"I don't need it certified."
"What's it for?"
"I'm trying to buy a house."
"You better get it certified."
"Okay. I'm on my way there. I'm in Caldwell now. Can I pick it up?"
"Let me call you back."
So I was left to myself to cry about my misfortune, which I did. I tried not to hate my ex. I feel like he did this on purpose. I signed my name off the lease. He said he did too. Then he stopped paying rent. Then he damaged the apartment. Then he got evicted. And I'm responsible. His girlfriend was living there, sleeping on our bed, our sheets that we got at our wedding, and I'M responsible. Why did I believe him? I don't know. So then I did what any woman in my situation would do: I called my bestie and whined. Kim could do little to comfort me but at least she listened, which was what I needed. I just wanted her to say "Don't worry! You'll get your house, bestie! You can provide proof!"
Then my Realtor called me.
"Stephanie, how are things going with Andy?"
"I just got some really bad news." (I told him the news.)
"Just remember, we only have till the 31st."
Then the court lady called me back.
"Okay, I've got the January 10 documents ready."
"Okay, I'm parked outside the courthouse, I'll be right there."
"You're at the courthouse?!"
"Yeah."
"Give me five minutes."
Figuring it would take me five minutes to find the office, I headed inside. My endless pockets in my coat tripped me up at the security station and I, embarrassed, emptied them into a bin. Mostly trash. Gum wrappers. The machine is sensitive to gum wrappers. OH Once I went into the courthouse with a switchblade in my purse! It wasn't detected! I forgot about it till I got home! I could have shanked everyone there! If I can carry a switchblade inside on accident, what can someone sneak in on purpose?
Ahem.
I found the office and went to the window marked "DIVORCE."
"Hi, I just talked to Tiffany. I'm here to pick up some child support documents."
"Did she say it was ready?"
"Yes."
"Just a minute ..................................... Okay it's $15."
I hand her my card.
"Three dollars extra on debit or credit."
"I'll write you a check."
"We don't take checks."
"Fine."
I pay the $18 for my documents and she hands them to me. I fail to investigate the papers till I step into the lobby. It's the wrong documents. It says CLEARLY: "Order to modify judgment and decree of divorce." NOTHING ABOUT CHILD SUPPORT! I have this one already! I know where it is! I couldn't believe the lady didn't copy my child support modification after all our conversations about it! I went back into the office.
"These are the wrong ones. This says nothing about child support. I need the one about child support modification."
"Let me get Tiffany."
Enter Tiffany.
"Please step over here," she says. I do. I explain again that what I actually need are the January 2010 child support modification documents. She slams my huge file down in front of her and opens it up and starts flipping through the pages. About one document in, she finds the one. "This one?" she asks. It is labeled: "Order Modifying Child Support."
"Yes," I say calmly. Serenity now. "That one."
It's five pages. She copies it and hands it to me and crinkles her face and says, "I won't even charge you for that one." If I was in a better mood, I'd have insisted on a refund. But I can't argue when I'm angry.
Twenty dollars and five pages later, I'm leaving the courthouse. While driving back to Nampa, I called the property management company from when I lived at Juniper Court with Randy, the property that's causing all this problem. (I want to note proudly that I remembered their phone number.) I asked if there is anyway I can get information about when I moved out back in 2007. I was given the corporate office number, which I called. Here's that conversation:
"Hi, I'm Stephanie Montano, I lived at Juniper Court and moved out in May of 2007. My ex husband stayed there until November. I'm wondering if I can get documentation of the notice I gave you guys when I moved out, and then of how long my ex stayed after that as well."
"Um, well, can you fax me your requests?"
"Sure, I guess."
"It's just that I want to be sure you are who you say you are."
"So you need a fax?"
"Yes."
"With just my signature or something?"
"Sure, just your questions, and we'll fax the answers back."
"Okay... "
I got the fax number. I still haven't faxed anything because I don't know how sending a fax proves my identity. I think that's so weird. But I'm going to do it tomorrow anyway.
I called the landlords of the place I moved to from Juniper Court. They've already provided documentation of my move-in and move-out date. I hope that helps. I just don't know what to do. This is so unfair. It's not my fault. I'm paying the price for someone else's dishonesty, AGAIN, and that's not fair!
When has life ever been fair?
And when has God ever let me down? NEVER! And so, dear friends, I know that all will be well. I will rest peacefully tonight knowing that my Father in Heaven will take care of my family. How many times have I faced a seemingly insurmountable mountain, and climbed it? How many times has my God delivered me from devastation? I can't count the miracles I've been blessed with in life, but I think I'll soon have another one to add to the list. I think that house is mine, God willing.
But that's the thing. God is willing. Nay, He's eager. Eager to help His children. And so, I know that whatever happens will be for my good, and for the good of my family. Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we are about to witness a miracle. I believe I will be moving into that house by the end of the month. I've been praying for this since November. If it doesn't work out the way I want, God will provide another route. And I'll look back and say "thank goodness it didn't work out the way I wanted it to."
But, in this case, I think the house is mine.
Then I dropped the kids off at my brother's house and headed to work. The freeway was particularly frustrating today. The speed limit is 55 due to construction, but usually in the morning people go faster by at least 5. And usually I can smoothly squeeze past the people who insist on being law abiding drivers. And then the construction ends and it's 65 and usually people speed up to 75 or so. Well, this morning, there was a huge memo written across the sky that I missed that said "Stephanie's late. EVERYONE go REALLY slow." And they all did. And they all conspired against me so I could pass no one. I mean, people were going 45 mph and grouping together in a way that I had no choice but to be at their mercy. Hmph.
Miraculously, I made it to work on time.
Well, backing up to last Friday, my Realtor and I did a walk thru at the house I'm buying to check up on all the stuff the sellers said they would fix based on the inspection. That was fun. I still love that house ever so much. So all last week I'd been trying to get a hold of my lender but he wasn't really returning my calls or emails. So Friday I told my Realtor, Abraham, about my troubles and he whipped out his cell and dialed Andy (lender) and got him on the line right away and gave me the phone. Andy told me he still needs documentation showing my child support modification. What? Really? Okay thanks for telling me.
Okay, back to today. Every week, people yell and scream at me on the phone. Sometimes they call me names. Sometimes they cuss. I take it because I know it's not about me. Ever. I'm very calm on the phone. I'm the collections agent you hope you get when you call about a late bill. I'm respectful and understanding. Even when the client is yelling. Often, they'll end up apologizing and thanking me for letting them vent. I don't mind these calls. Other agents get worked up. Not me. But today, I got one that shook me up. Actually, it made me cry. It was an old woman who had never been late but the past 2 months. Her story is this: She and her husband wanted to sell their condo. A company contacted them and told them they would help sell the condo. They called the woman one day and said they think they had a buyer, and they needed $1000 to help the sell go through. She gave them $1000 on her credit card and never heard from them again. No buyer. No company. She calls their number and it's disconnected. She totally got scammed, but since she authorized the $1000 charge, we can't do a thing about it. I suggested she call the police. I'm so worried for her. She doesn't have the money to pay it. She's supporting another family member and their income is so small. My heart broke. How unfair! How cruel! Why are people so cruel? That lady had perfect credit until this mess. NOT HER FAULT. But she's liable. Injustice infuriates me.
So today, on my first break at work, I called the courthouse because I'd been unable to locate these documents. Here's a summary of the conversation:
"Is there any way I can get a copy of my child support court documents?" I ask the lady
"Yes, what's your name?"
I tell her all the info she needs.
"Okay," she says, "I found your file, now what do you need?"
"There should be two modifications. One was for visitation and one was for child support. They're separate. I need the child support one."
"Okay, so I'm finding two--"
"Yes, there should be two. I need the one about child support."
"Okay I'll have to call you back, I'm helping someone else."
On my lunch break, I listened to her voicemail on my phone. She said she found it and it's fifteen pages long. It's a dollar a page and please call her back to let her know if I want a copy of it. First, I called my lender to get an idea of what kind of timeframe I'm looking at for move-in if I can get the child support papers to him tomorrow. No answer, so I left a message. I got off work early today and saw that Andy had left me a voicemail. "Give me a call," it said. "We need to go over some things."
I now summarize our conversation in its simplest (perhaps somewhat fictionalized) form:
"Hi, Andy, got your message, what's up?"
"Remember when you first came into my office and told me about your ex's eviction and back rent on your credit score and I said it shouldn't be a problem?"
"Yeah."
"It's a problem. The underwriters came back with some concerns about it even though I explained the situation. They want to see it paid off."
" ."
"Either that or they want to see proof that you're not liable, that you weren't living there anymore when he stopped paying rent."
"Um."
"Yeah, your life sucks. You're probably not getting this loan unless you pay this collections bill. This is why I've been avoiding you for so long. Good luck with life. I'll probably never see you again."
"Okay bye."
"Bye."
I don't have an extra $3000. I simply don't. And I can't pay it. It's been sitting there on my credit scores for the past 3 years. I disputed it immediately when I first got wind of it. The credit bureaus said I'm liable since I was on the lease, regardless of the fact that I did everything in my power to get off it, and understood that I was, in fact, off the lease. I can't pay it. Furthermore, it's not my fault. I won't pay it. All I can do now is gather as much information as possible to "prove" that I wasn't there and then pray for a miracle.
I figured I'd stop by the courthouse in Caldwell before heading back to Nampa. I called Tiffany back. Here's our conversation:
"I got your message. Fifteen dollars is fine. Just make sure it's the one about child support."
"Okay, now, I just want to make sure. You have two documents-
"About child support?"
"Yes. One of them- nothing's been done with it since 2007."
"Okay, I need the one that was finished in January of 2010."
"January 26th?"
"Probably. The one for child support. Not the one modifying visitation."
"Okay, it's like I said, fifteen dollars plus a dollar to certify it."
"I don't need it certified."
"What's it for?"
"I'm trying to buy a house."
"You better get it certified."
"Okay. I'm on my way there. I'm in Caldwell now. Can I pick it up?"
"Let me call you back."
So I was left to myself to cry about my misfortune, which I did. I tried not to hate my ex. I feel like he did this on purpose. I signed my name off the lease. He said he did too. Then he stopped paying rent. Then he damaged the apartment. Then he got evicted. And I'm responsible. His girlfriend was living there, sleeping on our bed, our sheets that we got at our wedding, and I'M responsible. Why did I believe him? I don't know. So then I did what any woman in my situation would do: I called my bestie and whined. Kim could do little to comfort me but at least she listened, which was what I needed. I just wanted her to say "Don't worry! You'll get your house, bestie! You can provide proof!"
Then my Realtor called me.
"Stephanie, how are things going with Andy?"
"I just got some really bad news." (I told him the news.)
"Just remember, we only have till the 31st."
Then the court lady called me back.
"Okay, I've got the January 10 documents ready."
"Okay, I'm parked outside the courthouse, I'll be right there."
"You're at the courthouse?!"
"Yeah."
"Give me five minutes."
Figuring it would take me five minutes to find the office, I headed inside. My endless pockets in my coat tripped me up at the security station and I, embarrassed, emptied them into a bin. Mostly trash. Gum wrappers. The machine is sensitive to gum wrappers. OH Once I went into the courthouse with a switchblade in my purse! It wasn't detected! I forgot about it till I got home! I could have shanked everyone there! If I can carry a switchblade inside on accident, what can someone sneak in on purpose?
Ahem.
I found the office and went to the window marked "DIVORCE."
"Hi, I just talked to Tiffany. I'm here to pick up some child support documents."
"Did she say it was ready?"
"Yes."
"Just a minute ..................................... Okay it's $15."
I hand her my card.
"Three dollars extra on debit or credit."
"I'll write you a check."
"We don't take checks."
"Fine."
I pay the $18 for my documents and she hands them to me. I fail to investigate the papers till I step into the lobby. It's the wrong documents. It says CLEARLY: "Order to modify judgment and decree of divorce." NOTHING ABOUT CHILD SUPPORT! I have this one already! I know where it is! I couldn't believe the lady didn't copy my child support modification after all our conversations about it! I went back into the office.
"These are the wrong ones. This says nothing about child support. I need the one about child support modification."
"Let me get Tiffany."
Enter Tiffany.
"Please step over here," she says. I do. I explain again that what I actually need are the January 2010 child support modification documents. She slams my huge file down in front of her and opens it up and starts flipping through the pages. About one document in, she finds the one. "This one?" she asks. It is labeled: "Order Modifying Child Support."
"Yes," I say calmly. Serenity now. "That one."
It's five pages. She copies it and hands it to me and crinkles her face and says, "I won't even charge you for that one." If I was in a better mood, I'd have insisted on a refund. But I can't argue when I'm angry.
Twenty dollars and five pages later, I'm leaving the courthouse. While driving back to Nampa, I called the property management company from when I lived at Juniper Court with Randy, the property that's causing all this problem. (I want to note proudly that I remembered their phone number.) I asked if there is anyway I can get information about when I moved out back in 2007. I was given the corporate office number, which I called. Here's that conversation:
"Hi, I'm Stephanie Montano, I lived at Juniper Court and moved out in May of 2007. My ex husband stayed there until November. I'm wondering if I can get documentation of the notice I gave you guys when I moved out, and then of how long my ex stayed after that as well."
"Um, well, can you fax me your requests?"
"Sure, I guess."
"It's just that I want to be sure you are who you say you are."
"So you need a fax?"
"Yes."
"With just my signature or something?"
"Sure, just your questions, and we'll fax the answers back."
"Okay... "
I got the fax number. I still haven't faxed anything because I don't know how sending a fax proves my identity. I think that's so weird. But I'm going to do it tomorrow anyway.
I called the landlords of the place I moved to from Juniper Court. They've already provided documentation of my move-in and move-out date. I hope that helps. I just don't know what to do. This is so unfair. It's not my fault. I'm paying the price for someone else's dishonesty, AGAIN, and that's not fair!
When has life ever been fair?
And when has God ever let me down? NEVER! And so, dear friends, I know that all will be well. I will rest peacefully tonight knowing that my Father in Heaven will take care of my family. How many times have I faced a seemingly insurmountable mountain, and climbed it? How many times has my God delivered me from devastation? I can't count the miracles I've been blessed with in life, but I think I'll soon have another one to add to the list. I think that house is mine, God willing.
But that's the thing. God is willing. Nay, He's eager. Eager to help His children. And so, I know that whatever happens will be for my good, and for the good of my family. Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we are about to witness a miracle. I believe I will be moving into that house by the end of the month. I've been praying for this since November. If it doesn't work out the way I want, God will provide another route. And I'll look back and say "thank goodness it didn't work out the way I wanted it to."
But, in this case, I think the house is mine.
Monday, January 17, 2011
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