Well, wouldn't you know it, I'm registered for classes at BYU-Idaho! I'm pretty darned excited. Even though I have no clue how it will all work out. I registered too late to secure any online classes, so I have to actually GO to school. But I managed to get all morning classes, so I'm out by noon, which leaves the rest of the day to work. What? Did someone say homework? Hmm? Kids? Housework? Yeah . . . I don't know. It'll all work out though. It always does.
Breaking news, I have changed my major. Since the moment I could think in full sentences, I've known I wanted to be a writer. So, naturally, I'd major in English. All I know is grammar and commas. All I love is grammar and commas. I've done nearly two years of school as an English major. I wanted to obtain a master's degree and be an English professor. But you know how the story goes, love and marriage, babies and divorce. So I was faced with a dilemma. Do I continue with my original course? But, that would take years of school yet, and I have a family now. As a single mother, I was forced to reconsider my career plan. I needed something with a little less schooling, a little more job security . . . I tell you what, I was in pain trying to decide what to do. Like I said, all I know is grammar and commas! Nothing else has ever interested me! I briefly considered something like medical assisting, which has a short schooling program and a non competitive career. But. . . yuck. It's just not for me. The time came to register and then it passed and I hadn't registered because I simply couldn't decide what to do with my life. What can you do with an English major besides teach?
Then my visiting teacher and her husband came over, and I told them my concerns. Tyler told me about this great job called public relations. Of course I'd heard of it but it never occurred to me to consider it. The more he talked about it, the more I was inspired. That's exactly what I want to do! YAY! So I totally switched my major (which felt a little like self-betrayal) and now I'm going to get a BS instead of a BA (which totally feels like self-betrayal), and it's in communications rather than english. And I'm okay with that. I'm actually pretty excited about it. I'd really thrive in a job as a PR manager or something like that. So I'm pretty psyched.
Meanwhile, back at the farm, it seems like my dear sweet sunshine boy is going downhill. He's wetting the bed again, he's fighting with me more, he's more and more unhappy. It really breaks my heart. It's hard to see his behavior and not blame myself. I'm his only full time parent! I'm the only parent he sees daily. It seems like I must be failing if he's so unhappy. He's three for crying out loud, he's not supposed to be unhappy. But I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and it's very frustrating.
If you could judge a mother by her child's behavior, then my children would have two different mothers. I love my children powerfully and equally. I only want what every parent wants: the happiness and health of my children. They both bring me such inexplicable joy. But, Matthias doesn't really seem to bring his other caretakers joy. That, to me, is very very sad. Sometimes it seems like I'm the only person who likes my son. I think my mom likes him too. I know he's a bully, but other than that, what's not to like? He's the sunshine!
