The End

Had classes today. Three of them; long day. After my last class I trekked to my car and headed to work, as is my routine as of last Wednesday. I clock in and set my coat down, turn on my computer. Suzelle, who sits near me, says, "Daniella!" and I look and she holds up this paper whereupon she's written, "I'm proud of you, you still have a job." I look at her quizically. "Huh?"
"A lot of people don't," she murmured.
Suzanne approaches me and her eyes are squinty. Suzanne's my supervisor. I haven't even sat yet. I know what she's going to tell me. "Derek wants to see you in HR," she says, patting my shoulder.
Thanks to Suzelle, I knew what for. I had some time as I was descending the staircase to try to steel my heart. I walked in to see Derek. "Are you Stephanie?" he asks. I nod. "Stephanie Montano?" I nod. "Have a seat." he shuts the door of his office.
Garth is there, the company president. I doubt that he's ever noticed me before.
Derek proceeds: "As you may be aware, the company has been facing economic challenges. This morning we got the [murmur] to reduce our workforce. Blah blah, mumble mumble, sorry, blah, murmer, lalalalalalalalalalalala meeting tomorrow, burble burble, severence package, lalalalalalalalalalalala, one of 45 employees, sunsa sunsa, blahblahblah, paid for the rest of today. Any questions?"

My interpretation: You Suck. You and 45 other employees have been weighed, measured, and found wanting. We don't need you like we need the other 150 employees. To soften the blow, we'll go ahead and pay you for the rest of your scheduled shift.

Then I went to cry in the bathroom. For a long time. When I thought I was done, I went upstairs to get my coat and keys (I'm allowed to come back tomorrow for the rest of my belongings) and then my darn friends (who still have jobs!) thought it would be nice to say they're sorry and give me hugs. UGH! I wanted to scream at them to leave me alone because I JUST got done crying about it. Don't even talk to me. Talk to me tomorrow when I've had chance to reassure myself. Tomorrow I'll remember that it's all in God's hands; I'll be fine, I always am. Right now, I'm a little scared, so don't touch me. But, women will be women. And really I appreciate it, and really I'd be bummed if no one talked to me about it, but at the time, I just didn't want anyone to talk to me. So I cried some more (I can count on one hand - maybe two - the times I've cried in front of non-family). Suzanne approached me at patted my shoulder and said it wasn't about me. I wanted to replay for her what Derek told me ("You Suck," etc.). She said it was the economy. There's a new one. "It's not you, it's the economy."
I don't mean to be disrespectful to Suzanne; she's a wonderful woman and a really great supervisor. I really like her a lot and certainly don't blame her. I don't blame anyone. It's the economy, right?

Then I walked to my car with my head down and drove away. I didn't know where I was going to go. Do I pick up my kids? I didn't. Do I gather applications? I didn't. I came home to blog. I will also presently print a thousand resumes. The small town of Rexburg is right now a very competitive area for job hunting. 45 people are now looking for jobs, and they've all had since this morning. I came in later due to school. I wonder if there was a mass layoff. Probably. They probably gathered the chosen ones in the meeting room and layed them all off at once.

Guess I'll change my clothes and plaster on a smile and begin my second round in five months of job hunting in Rexburg.